I hate looking at all these old fucking entries that are just words wasted. Words that are meaningless. I'm so sick of the past. I'm so sick of living it, feeling it everyday, breathing it everyday and being entirely consumed by it. He left. again. This time. Theres no turning back. I don't know whos the bigger fool. Me for believing you. Or you. For doing the things you do. Your words. Are fucking meaningless. they are fucking obsolete. All I have done this past year is wait and wait for you. This same time last year I wasn't with you. I wanted so bad to be with you. You left again before my birthday. Before Valentines day. I don't understand. I guess I'm not good enough. I'm not worth it. Your young. Your turning 21. Do what it is that makes you happy because I don't. Your words made me sick to my stomach. You speak of love yet your words contradict everything you say and the way you act. "I'll stay just because I promised. To make you happy." as he gives me the most pathetic hug I have ever received in my life. FUck you. YOu know nothing of love. You know nothing of marriage because you are constantly quitting. Just like your family. Well guess what. I didn't quit. I'd never quit. Because your worth it. Because the fights, the aggravation, the waiting was going to be worth it. I hate myself for taking you back. I hate myself for loving you. I hate myself for being so fucking weak. I hate myself for my insecurities. I hate myself for not being able to let you go. For not being able to move on. You have no idea how much pain you have caused me. "I don't need your promises. Your lies." The worst part about it is... I still want you. But I'll NEVER take you back. I'm so fucking broken. My heart. My head. My body. It all hurts. You make it hurt. Your the only one who can take the pain away. But your the only one who causes it. Take it away Take it away Take this pain away baby. Please. Please. Please fucking take it away. Its going to take everything inside of me to hide this pain. I can't breathe.