im so angry tonite. for some reason i cannot let go of the fact that josh broke up with me and lied to me saying we just need a small break. yeah he needed a small break to get back together with his monkey ex girlfriend.three days after we broke up. THREE DAYS!!! and i can only be nice. which makes it worse. all his friends see it his way now and he never even gave me closure or a reason. but he said she had nothing to do with it. i read the emails i knew what was going on, im not stupid, and finally after two years i thought things were finally the way they should be, but as always that girl has to ruin everything including our friendship. how can you tell someone you love them all the time so casually and then pull that shit and still have the balls to say i still love you. its ok i know what he did and this is my only vent. i cannot even describe how much it bothers me and one day i hope it hits him in the face and he realizes he threw eight years of friendship down the drain in three days. its crazy. i really loved him. and his family. he motivated me to be a better person. and now ive been back into drugs and drinking and im having problems getting out and im scared im not cut out for college. things are just getting worse each day and im not sure how long i can handle all the pressure, no im not a saint like josh claims to be, i made mistakes. atleast i admitted and asked for the help. what more can i do? ahh and now all these new anti depressant medicines and had been very sick from all the worry it caused me. but the tests turned out fine and im ok. no pancreatitus. im just stressed and lately my self-confidence has been at its worst, i guess from all the failures and guys ALWAYS choosing other girls over me. you dont even know. and i have no one to talk to about this so thats why im writing it here bc i dont know any of you and you wont judge me but just listen. thankyou. i have to get out of valdosta. this pain is gonna ruin me.