fuck it all ’til i learn

Listening to: requiem soundtrack
Feeling: agitated
ugh.. why is it that the memories i hold dearest can hurt the most? the good times that now bring me down. i let them get too close. i treausred those thoughts too much. the things you trust the most will always stab you in the back. everytime you let them in, they take a little piece of you when they leave. i don;t feel complete with you, so i;ll try without you. must keep all those little pieces. that;s why i keep you out. let them in once and they seem to think they can walk in anytime and trample down your thoughts. asking opnions only alters your own.. adds a bias. can;t be a truely you decision, but is that what you really want anyway? i don;t know what i want.. trust? thats my suicide. let you in to break me down. maybe thats what i've always needed. come to fear what you need the most. so it's down to wants.. do i want to face the fear.. or keep myself in mint condition in the unopened box?
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haha thanks for the hugs. sorry to hear of your predicament with sickness as well...its no fun at all.

au revoir
castration may be a sure-fire answer to the problem at this point. Contact results in complication and blame games.

--Randy
[Anonymous]