i dont know why i feel so damn wrong i know im not wrong but i dont feel like im right either i hate it when ppl start tryin to change my beliefs im an atheist so what deal with it i could alwayz be somethin worse ya know i just hate when ppl try and change what i beleive cuz then i feel like im wrong or maybe i just start thinkin im wrong cuz i feel like im right is it my fault if "god" stopped bein there for me i dont think so it isnt my fault "he" hates me and wants me to be alone utterly alone thats anotha reason i push ppl away when they get too close they become important and i get too attatched then "god" or whoeva da hell dats out there and hates my guts take them away from me ive lost a good friend a sister Nanu Bear has cancer and has gotten so many scares that his life might be ending soon my best friend now lives 2 hours away and i neva get to see her and i dont have a calling card and neither does she so we never talk and now im sure shes got a new best friend and doesnt even remember me Nanu Bear thinks "god" is "breaking me" like tryin to make me "bring him back into my heart" i hate this feeling im consumed by sadness i feel like i have nothing to live for sometimes i talk to muh buddy james bout dis stuff sometimes but i hate to cuz i know he cares and sometimes i feel like im kinda hurtin him by lettin him know im suicidal and he could lose me any day sometimes i feel so pressured like im pushed into a corner and have ppl completly around me and tellin me what to do what to wear what to say how to act basically and now adam has sent me dis long paragraph dat says "libby, you should feel wrong about it, and i hope you someday find God in your life, because He has always been there and has never left you ... you have to let Him in or keep pushign Him away, because He will always be there ... always ... and i'll always bee here for you libby, if ever you need help ... just remember, once yoru dead, you can't do anything over again, and you can't take back what you shut out oh your life, no matter how much you will want to ... and lets face it, you don't honestly want your lot in the lake that burns eternally with fire and brimstone, the second death ... think hard, you have to make up your mind in this life ... then live with your decision forever, so as your friend, i pray you make the right choice ... bye lib" and earlier he told me he worried bout me i hate when ppl worry bout me nick use to all the time and hed always ask me what was wrong and if i was ok even if i was fine and dandy ya know i dont know what to do nemore im losin friends and i know i am we use to have dis huge group that i was a part of and now we have 2 lil groups and a girl who just sits else where i feel alone and unwanted i feel like im faking everything and i know ive said it before but i hate being fake i hate it with a passion and sometimes i catch myself bein fake and it just bothers me and sometimes ill just zone out ya know like on friday i was at da football game and my buddy was talkin to me and i was lookin right at her and i heard what she said but i didnt hear it and i didnt see it and afta a few mins she was like libby......libby?? then i snapped outa it and was like did ya say somethin everybody was just lookin at me and lynsi walks ova and was like shorty is something wrong then tiffanie was walkin me home and we were talkin and i couldnt hold it together i started cryin a lil bit so i had to sit down for a sec and who happens to drive by dewayne and jose and they pull ova and start goin libby are you ok what happened so i went throught the usual im fine just peachy i got somethin in my eye im fine just go toodlez have a lovely day and all then i feel more utterly fake but then again i neva cry at least not in front of ppl thta was the first time ive cried in front of ppl since kyle's mom died and even then i was hiding my face from ppl but im goin to go b4 i start feelin worse bye yall ~*~Libby~*~