so i've gottin past my "fuck! what teh hell am i goign to do?" stage about school. this si going ot be kinda a rant. so choose not to listen if you want. so basically as you all probably know... i hate school becuase it stresses me out. when things strees em out i choose not to deal with them untill i can fix the problem. well i've come to aknowledge that i cant do any of that. i've tryed not to go to school as much becuse quite frankly i really don't care. yes i know tahts sounds bad but when it gets to the point of teahcers starting to harp and put you down (which most of you know that si the wrong way to motivate me) and you start to freak during tests then ya... i don't want to go to school. now then... reasently i've been haveing science issues. ya, i guess my mom had a talk with my science teacher and he was saying that him kidding around, well he thought he would harp czu he thoguth that him kidding with me was makeing me not focus on my work. my mom ahd to infrom him taht it was actually the oposite. you see with em and school it gets overwellming. when im in a stressfull invironment i somehow get it in my head that its my fualt and i can make it better. so when i cant do science latley cuz he starts biotching and telling me im going to go pump gas somewhere then i have a problem with that... i first get mad and almost tell him to back off... then i realize that i should buck it up and deal with the remarks so i lket it go then it starts to pile on me and i think "wow hes still harping on me and tellign me my fualts. i must actually be doing something wrong." so i spend as much tiem as i can streesing and wanting aproval. but i never seem to get it. i never get "good job Ash!" or anything like that. so i think that im still doing stuff wrong and in the end i get so stressed that i start apologizing for not understanding. by that time im so close to tears i have to put my hair in my face. and like i've stated before... when i get stressed i cry. i hate it but i do. so the other day im sitting in a class doing my science test and i balcked out cuz i have test-angziety really bad. like i instantly forget everything. even formulas and what you do with them. i've even forgottin to put my name on my work a few times. so ya i started crying and freaking out and basically handed my test in pritty damn blank. so my mom calls me this morning and says "ya Hazilton talked to Stewart.) which is my science teacher talkign to my principal. so i started to laugh and say "ya he talked to him about putting me into stupid science and i would liek to see them try." and my mom responds with a "i don't know, maybe." which means that si what it was a boy. but sadly my pride is to big to let them. ya im stupid but i refuse to go into stupid science. why? cuz i can do this science it just physics isn't my thing. and it takes lots of explaining to understand and time to sink in. but you know whats funny? Emo is really the only one i learn the most information from this is him teaching me something from S.S "okay so basically you got your little French guys over here and they are all like hey man! we need some more people cuz were dumb and the other country is all like okay but dont tell Germany! so Germany gets all amd and is all like oh damn sin! we challange you to a friken duel and this other sountry here is all like dude! i want in ont his shit.!" and ya it goes on. but wanna know something funny? i rememebred it. same with the pengilum thinger he said to me basically useing the same thing. i swear the more stupidly retarded it is the more i remember. well i got to header i school to do and i have problemes to fix. wish me luck. Later Days! *~Ashely~* (the stressful little one)