im sitting here contiplating everything.... Garry and i are on the rocks and i want to be with him so bad and make this work. but it takes two to have a realtionship and sadly i don;t think he wants that with me. he got everything he wanted in a relationship with me and then he tosses it away. i raelly am giving him way to many chances but i know it really does take alot before snyone will get it and take that chance. anyways... i hope he says he'll try. fuck i hate this shit. i just want someone who can honestly try and give a fuck about me.... not be so selfish (and im talking in general herenot spicifically Garry) all teh guys in my life toss me around and then when i finally say fuck you its over (and this is after i've given them all these chances....) they finally want me back and are ready to try and be a good boyfriend. i want someone who will give a shit about me. continue to flirt with me across the room, be proiud to be with me, sincerly love me, be honest with me, suport me, show me they care by doing all those small thing.... i really don't think that is too much to ask for. but yet i can't seem to find a single guy that will do those things for me. is that bad or what? i, for no reason, want someone to stop his friend in the middle of a conversation, walk over and kiss me. like wow eh? but no... that won;t seem to do. :( all my friends keep getting pissy with me over this whole |GArry thing, however they should know by now that i am strong and even though i can take more shit then i should i will get through everything... im fine. mean while i just started a new job at Le Vie En Rose... which is a pantie and bra store. the girls seem nice so far, but we'll see what happins. and even now as i sit here in the late hours of the night, at 1 am i hear the faint snoring or my dear friend Dusty. he has a strange past. and like most of my friends i have never and will never judge him for his life style and how he chooses to live it. i am friends with him because he is worth it. he is amazing for who he is not for what he does. anyways bottom line is im a little upset because he may ahve to go to jail. he has charges against him for like carrying a weapona dn B&E and shit like that. however the crowd he was rolling with before got him into a lot of crap. do i think he needs to serve time and fess up to his charges? of course. but i think maximum 10 years is a little much. hethinks because he is gang related (he isn't actually in any gangs but you know how cops are and putting names down for everything!) he swears he will get 10 years in the pen. i don;t think he will. he attempted to get a lawyer before and they said no they woldn;t. just because Calagry is trying to put a smack down on this gang stuff doesn't mean they have the right to go against FEDERAL LAW and deny a person the right to a lawyer. anyways he wanted to walk in the court house today and pleed guilty but my mother and i told him not to because it could buy us more time to get a lawyer. Dusty dosen't know the lawyer talk so he can get hooped really fast and i mean i don;t even know much either. my mom (from her friends pasts) know more about what to do in these stupid court situations... so im trusting her with helping me out with this. i've never ahd a friend go to jail. i'll cry i know it. but no matter what i will visit him at the very least once a month untill he's out. and i will bring him pics and little treat things... it will be hard and any suport will be good suport really. it'll be hard either whihc way cuz he lives with me right now.... :( hope he just has to do lots of probation. i guess we'll see. anyways.... LAinna and i went to The Blackfoot Diner... and it was so 50's! it rocked. even the truckers and people in it seemed all 50's. they had a train that went around the top of the place and old booths and little jupe boxes for each booth so you could listen to your own music. i thought that was so bad ass. it was awesome and all we had was coffee a 11 at night. fucking sweet. my mom and i also went to the Sukiaki house. it used to be very japanese. the girls in Kamonos and a waterfall and little pond thingers witha bridge you crosse dand fish in it. and indevidual booth things that had those paper devider things... fucking cool and then they moved it and now its overly modern. its stupid. the point that everyone went to it before for was cuz of the wya it looked. i mean it had amazing sushi toop but still. i can't think of much else really.... Garry is putting more effort intot he relationship which worries me on his desition. fuck. anwyas im going to eat some sushi and go to bed. comment if you'd like... i don't get them anymore. ill try to go on thsi more. Later Days! *~Ashley~*