And the self-inflicting torture continues. My cellular phone bill was due last week. I’m not in any hurry to make the payments. It saves me time from hitting the “ignore” button. I filled out and handed in a job application today. I made sure I wrote slowly so my hand writing came out perfectly. I lied when it asked if I ever been ‘fired or asked to leave' from a job before. &&I put down my friends as preferences and asked them to cover for me if they called. It looked promising and the interview when flawlessly. I’m not holding my breath for their phone call. As much as I need this job, I don’t want it. I don’t want to work hard with long hours for an underpaying salary I don’t want to get stuck with debasing hours because they feel teenagers should work the days where the most interesting events happen in life. I guess if I do get it and get into the habit of it it won’t matter. It’ll give me less time to concentrate on these inflicting thoughts that I can’t seem to make sense of. &&it could stop me from repeatedly consuming food for the sake of boredom. I need to go to sleep. I’m contradicting myself even before posting this entry