I always know what I get myself into. I am fully aware about the consequences of my actions. But that hasn’t stopped me. If I can’t even control myself, what makes you think you can? But then the sunrises and I’ve come to realize the world hasn’t ended. And I still have to get up every morning to pee. I still haven’t found that “other” purpose for getting up in the mornings. Like I was even trying to searching for it. But I’ve become fully comfortable with that. //I haven’t sniffed any powders or swallowed any pills with funny marking on them since I walked away from those bright blinding lights. You could see the change in my face because of that decision. Its unmistakable. There are days where the temptations are so unbearable, I just want to throw everything away that I didn’t work so hard to get. But I just have to stop, catch myself and give myself a reality check. But not like the ones on T.V. You can't write or make this shit up. Instead finding happiness in a rolled up 20dollar bill. I’m finding it in every man I lay on my bed. It’s getting hard to get lost in some ones eyes and even harder to call it love. I don’t like to call it an Addiction, but rather call it Abandonment. This way, I have someone else to blame this time around.