last one standing in the back lost in the world of crazy misunderstandings alone and unarmed I cant figure out what I want anymore. This is depression seeping back into my dry boring life held together by my amazing and supportive friends. sympathetic sometimes though I still feel alone. I want to experience love. I know I talk and think about guys a lot but its not about the guys, well it is to a point I want to know what it is like to be touched by someone I care about and someone that knows me and understands where my world stems from. I dont even think I really experience love from my family its kind of sad.lately I can sence myself pushing people away because I am starting to become afraid of being hurt. I discovered that because I dont really trust men even my guy friends that I have sort of openned up to I am running away from. I dont like trust at all because so many people keep secrets. I know I have so many thoughts going on right now but I kind of just want to drift off into a sleep.