this is where i get kinda dirty, and just go out to get some pussy. peace, love, here kittykittykitty.

if you knew just what to do you would be ahead of us we just like to run in place we work all day and ride the bus. we would like to have your wealth but that's just not us to the winds of perdition we have thrown ourselves welcome to the planet earth (we follow blindly) to the winds of perdition we have thrown ourselves welcome to the planet earth try as we might we still owe the man for he owns this planet earth we lease our lives by the pound the more you wiegh, the less you're worth (continued.)

the silence that deafens my heart beating itself into disrythmia leaving emotions to those who know best how to handle them i only dismantle them and i can't see what it is to be in love and still be me. to be cold is to be composed and to be ok. peace, love, and marijuana sauce... keep on truckin'

firing sparks and electro darts hearts and stars crash down in a blaze of glory punctuating the end of an untold story fires extinguished by a rain to end all rains wash your face and hands clean, man, like only the rain can. it's hard to say now how you always new how but you knew i always stayed tempted i always stayed amazed much of what went down was diologue audible only to eyes because you didn't like your boyfriend but you wish that you would. and so fucking young excuse me, sir, i'm in love with your daughter she listened to britney spears i read hemingway. and none of this ever happened.

well friends, life is a bit of a drag, but i'm doing pretty good. i still hate going to work. but that's life. still on the lookout for something/one amazing. peace love and marijuana sauce reptile prolifisence.

my job fuckin' sucks. decent money, shitty place and too many shitty people. peace love and marijuana sauce... don't call it a comeback.

and now i can smile the cemetery scene is gone from my eyes on the scream in my head sings a sweet lullaby my cup runneth over and i am not so down. the tide shifts into a clean swell and all of the doubt in my mind went away. at least for today. my cup runneth over i'm not flying so close to the ground. my cup runneth over i'm not going on empty i was desperate and hungry and now i have plenty i have all that i need. i hope tomorrow i feel this way. because tomorrow is a different day.

you know what i want more than anything is to be a good songwriter. i've posted alot of my stuff on here and a bunch of it is shit. i don't delete it because i'm scared i may remember a line or two from a piece and go "damn i wish i could remember more of that". some of it is good though. i just listen to too damn much rock and roll and wierd shit, i love wierd music, but i want to write songs that people feel. i know what i want things to sound like, that's not the issue. i hope that one day i can write a chord progression or melody that actually conveys what kind of ongs i want to write. right now i'm just a riff machine. you want a sabbathy thing, or a led zep kinda groove, i'm all over it. i want to be one of those great songwriters tho man. i want to pick the blues and write good folk and country tunes. i want to make music that doesn't turn anyone away. i want to write the songs people can't ignore because they relate to much. and i don't want to be a cliche or a cartoon of someother act. i just want to be a great songwriter. maybe something more interesting next time. peace love and the dreaming of dreams...

sometimes my mind fails me. it forgets the messages it told itself to send to my legs to get up and walk over to her. any of them. so i sit here all duded up, grease in my hair. i look damn fine, i know i do. i do well with the girls at the rock show. but this is completely different. this you have to have balls for and when i step into the bar mine have not yet descended. i keep thinking that tonight i'll ask whoever i damn well please. i know they'll dance with me. all i have to do is ask. and then ask them to lead. because i am a very inexperianced dancer. i have danced. i mostly know what to do. i just don't wanna look like an idiot. but then the dance floor is filled with them. staggering around with a fox in their arms. and everyone is drunk. except me, i'm under 21. next time i'll ask them. it sounds so lame and junior high, but for the longest time my confidence has been shitty. i told myself i needed time. but it's been long enough. so next time i'll ask and ask and ask and dance maybe, a time or two. i have to, so i can look at myself in the mirror the next day. peace love and marijuana sauce...

sitting at the bar in a nightclub in waco, texas i saw you walk through the room you looked at me with those eyes the sweetest eyes that ever looked upon me and you knew what i was feeling because you felt it to. and i know you love him and i respect that. it's still a drag. to know that you know that i know how we could be together or at least go out a time or two. and it's not your hair, your thighs, or your boobs, it's the fact that you've been the best to me since i came to this goddamn town. what am i doing here? and i want to tell you the rest of all i have to say. there are a few things not written on my face. i've spent years building ice around my heart. and i didn't think it could be melted. but you sure did. and this is not in love, it's more like i want you. not between my sheets, though that'd be nice. here in my arms is all i need to bring me peace. peace love and peace and love...

blackberry vines climb to the sky and bring forth sweet, sour candy from God. not from man, for nothing this pure comes from man's hand. this is bliss. this is sandboxes and swingsets. training wheels and the scraped knees, we cried, but tried again. it's harder to be that determined when you're older. old people seem to give up so easy. so let us sit on this day and bask in sun's rays feeding on this warm black necter feeling little again. peace love and everyday's the 14th...

the devil we are told is a bastard child of God and a morally corrupt individual obviously of ill repute. if i ever met him and would kick his ass. it's true. in related news my reight foot is asleep. that sucks. take to the skies. peace love and electric head...

so at 10: 33 pm. i lay my hands to write. about the day or about that chicks ass, or about certain elevations. about how i'm just gunna do a brain drain here on the sitdiary. i need to lay out my insecurities because something has got me in a funk bra, fo' real. first off i have become very sexually frustrated since i came here. i have the same killer instict i just get lost trying to cross the bridge between "hi" and making out. can't even find the fuckin' bridge. it's a drag. i just need a little something to break the cycle of being a puss. hopefully, sometime during this line of bullshit i will have my epiphany. that'd be sweet. and sometimes, espescially at work i get insecure about my clothes and how i look. there have been a few days where i walked out just like "damn, i'm pretty." , but they have been fewer and farrer between. i mean i know, i'm a pretty good looking dude, but i work with a bunch of other studs and some of these guys are built. seriously built. they have money for gym access. i'd get pumped too if i had a gym to work at. just have to save for free-weights. yeah. need to get up at the ass-crack of dawn and go swimming. need to stop smoking cigarettes. maybe now and then. when i'm partying. i want to get back into ball, i really do. i miss it. it's the attention, it is, i can't lie. i love the competetion but only because the attention is rewerd, the better you do the more people like you. i'm not an idiot, i know who my friends are. i'm just saying it's nice to be known for something. and i've been playing the shit out of my guitar. it's really my only outlet. baseball is a purpose tho, a set in stone thing. i'm 19, i can get back and be better. just need some self-discipline. lots. need to relax around chicks i dig. play it cool and just be myself, quit trying to find the right words and just flow. hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. i can't wait till i can move into my new pad. i'm super-stoked. that is a real blessing. now if i can just start getting some dates and hook-ups and maybe even one to hang on to for a bit. i'm the soft hearted sort that will go out with a chick for a good bit if she's fun and has a cool personality. and is hot, but that's a given, eh. i'm really out on my own. holy shit, batman. peace love and marijuana sauce...

i found and apartment in waco. nice part of town. small, but cool. it'll just be nice to have a home base. i'll make it nice and comfortable. my own little spot to pimp. and i got an interview monday at a cool local restaraunt called George's, which is also cool. hope it pans out. anyhoo, more fancy wordsmithing to come, just not this entry. this is kessler, not sayin' goodnight, just sayin'...

manhole covered cherries picked for their aptitude testing, testing, may i have your attention please and thank you have a bit of something on your tie my shoe fly shoo be doo be doo wah wah pedal my bicycle faster into the night sky pilot captain america the beautiful brunette staring at me from accross the room for two please to this matineé around mid-day light breaks over our bodies of water that swell and rise up to your feet are attached to your legs and who could forget those legs carrying her to destination unknown constellation of amalgamated trust in that which you cannot see spot run, run spot run and hide in your place where your horses run free like birds who sing in sweet melodies. peace love and marijuana sauce...

and now i'm left to the weary tired and busted cold and muted place without springtime's gentle grace without sunlight's warm embrace where the birds are black black as the street and black as the nights and their song is not a song at all it is a cry almost like they are pleading "why?" and in the chorus you hear a melody not in time and not in key and if you listen hard enough to the beautiful noise the colours of sound soon emerge and divulge themselves into new media into sight, into taste, into this romantic disrythmia and we rejoice in this cournocopia of euphoria and joy prompts us to relax but nights of cold and black and white must still pass by and we must know why. because there are times when happy dies. and we mourn. we cry. but at least now, we know why.

What comes to mind when you hear.. ..snow? snow ..rain? relax ..tornado? wind ..summer love? backseats and herb ..Jon? jakob jingleheimer schmidt ..Mike? aquitted ..Shea? stadium ..banana? oragutan ..dizzy? gillespie ..Laura? bush (hehe, i said bush) ..Juan? another mexican ..car? gas ..white? zig-zag ..peppermint? tasty ..New Found Glory? super-ass gaytastic to the maxx ..placebo? sucker ..orange juice? oragutan ..candid camera? smile douchebag ..sister? brother ..brother? the reverend jesse jackson ..hate? leads to the dark side ..school? maybe next semester ..President? george fucking w fucking bush motherfucker ..football? ballet slippers ..rap? hip hop ..pop? prince ..rock? candy ..punk? is dead, i am punk rock ..sex? yes, please ..death? the end of the beginning of the end ..baby? pet name ..duuude? you are stoned. ..the end? of this quiz.

breathe in old spirits left behind movements made to colonize the mind with useless facts and understanding programmed coordinates on a lifelong bearing the rythmic pulse of middle management the middle class in their mid-sized sedan drinking thier medium coffee or maybe you like tall either way it's 3 bucks for hot water strained through beans. tasty tho, and passivly you submit to prison sex. dry. and you say i'm high but baby i'm on solid ground it's you who are sinking into the abyss. i innovate and imaginate and contemplate upon the things that need concentrate and profoundly expound upon this round pound which resounds in my brain. and i maintain this rythmic verse and i could do this sans the curse but fuck it i will say what i say and do what i do and i have a spirit that's strong do you? if God be with me, whom shall i fear and when my time is near the time i spend here will remind me of who i used to be and what i once was and i will grow and trust in god foremost but also in myself and my cockiness is pride, but my humility will be known. this is birth. the first 19 years in vitro now it's time to go. and i know i will make it. the spirit is strong in me. and i will be who i be. this shit's getting harder sometimes it get's me broke down but a man recovers and goes on. so i push do you're worst i will never reverse or revert it's just perverted to even consider that i would give up or start backing down. when i've tried so hard and gained so much ground.and so i find when i colonize my mind i walk un-blind and can see the vegatation through the forest of gas stations sky scrapers and burning lights shining bright to block out the night and i wonder if the world was dark at night would everybody still be so damn scared?

this is the last chance i have before i have to go back to where i started. and i can't do it. i can't see where i'm going walking backward and downwards life was so high and i could touch the sky. but the times have gotten real. i wonder sometimes if i'll make it. now my life comes crushing down on me. so i push forward, because you can't see where you're going walking backward anyway. this is the best time of my life this could be the best time of your life i know we'll have the time of our lives. so i'll keep walking forward because if i go back i may trip and fall and lose all the ground i've gained. and i can't go back to the life i once led. and you can't see where you're going walking backward anyway. i will be okay. peace love and marijuana sauce...

when i was at the wedding the subject of alan and karissa came up. i don't live in pearland, in case anybody didn't know. i wouldn't even have shit to talk if i was wanting to talk some shit. i did say it was wierd, in so many words, that karissa was dating alan since she used to hate alan and he was like a wierd-stalker-ish type guy. at least that's the image i got from karissa and co. sooooo.... yeah chubs is not to thrilled he set himself up for heartbreak and yeah he blames krispy some. he's a dumb heartbroken guy, duh. and jennifer (who i now realize to be alan's sister) like to exaggerate, alot. and the shit that was said about alan is nothing new, so there is no since in getting pissed about old news. everyone just chill. and in case no one told alan, his girlfriend like to smoke pot. FYI. hope that inspires you guys to chill completely the fuck out, peace. ps. more poetry next entry, this entry is strictly bidniss.