for some reason. matt called me tonight. and we talked for an hour and a half. as much as i hate him. he kept asking me to go back out with him. even for a week. because it'd satisfy him. but i'm really not stupid. he had sex with this girl i know. even though he didn't have to. he was drunk. and this is a huge reason i hate alcohol. nick answered his phone when i called on saturday. he was drunk. and hilary's away message was telling him to call her. and since i automatically assume shit [it's a horrible habit], i figured;; fuck. he's drunk. i've been gone. and they've talked. they're gonna get together. goddamnit. so i told him about her away message. and he was like, "why in the fuck? i'm not calling her." so on and so forth. and he said that they had talked the night before. so now i'm still pretty, "yeah. fuck them." though i shouldn't be. it's jealousy and it's controlling. but he said it's because i care. and that's good. it doesn't feel like that way to me. because i feel controlling. and i hate feeling that. but i do care. i care about him being with her. or liking her. or talking to her. because hilary's fucking sneaky and she gets her way. nick and i ended the conversation in a fight. and we haven't talked since. my mother brought wayne over today. i nearly shit my pants. so we got into a fight. my mother and i;; not wayne and i. he left shortly after he walked in the door. i asked her if she's seriously going to fucking do this. and she said yeah. and that we would have been moving this weekend if it wasn't for me and my issues. so i called her a selfish bitch. and left. smoked. drew. came back. and she said, "let's go to the drive in." "i hate heat." "then let's go to the movies." "and see what good movie?" "let me get a paper." so we looked. and i decided on war of the worlds. because it had looked stupid. yeah. sorry. big fucking mistake. okay. i'm not TOO bad on movies. i think some scary movies are stupid and some stupid movies are sad or funny or scary. but war of the worlds is by far the scariest.. fucking..ohmygod.. movie. ever. i literally stopped breathing in it. my mother almost had a heart attack. she had to leave the room. i couldn't eat without feeling like puking. and i've been scared shitless since we left that theater. it's fucking the scariest shit i have ever seen. i hate thinking of the world ending. or something attacking us. so yeah. go see it. make fun of me. agree with me. whatever. just.. see it. my mother's alarm clock is going off. it's been going off for some time now. bryan and i haven't talked much today. err. jesus christ i forgot. i slept from four fourtyfive am until three pm. then went back to sleep at four fifteen pm. and woke up at like, eight pm. i've been sleeping a lot. i want to call nick perry so bad. but i feel weak running back to anyone. or calling first after a fight. eh. i might be seeing danielle and ryan zeigler today. that'd be neat. goodnight. [ps] i just found out that they were supposed to be going to the movies. yeah. fuck you both.