marissa just left. and for some reason, i'm really upset today. the fair was fun. always is. i'd like to go back tonight since it's the last night, but scotty's taking me to see taproot and chevelle. everyone's going to be at the fair. i dunno. i feel really bad. in general. last night everyone and their mom came over. even some henry kid. everyone smoked marijuana but me. and then everyone but travis and keith cut out. dustin had called me up and said he was going to denny's, so we went up there and hungout with dustin, joe, kim, and some guy. marissa, stephanie, henry, and raul found us up there, so we left. found coty, esty, and blake. they went home. steph, travis, marissa, keith, and i came back to my house, got stephanie a ride home from dusty, and then went outside. i don't remember all that we did. travis kept trying to steal this stop sign, and he'd flip out when a car would come. it was definitely funny. then this preacher that lives behind me started talking to us and i said some shit that pissed him off, so he asked us to come up to his apartment. we did so, and we talked about religion and god. i don't care how long i would have been up there, his words will never change me. travis actually got saved. and then we went to the baseball field and smoked pot. so yeah. so much for being saved. we walked through the fairgrounds and the police got all creepy like. eh. whatever. afterwards, i had the coke affect for some reason. and it made me feel fucked up. and kinda scared. when we got back here, keith left, and travis slept in the storage room. marissa and i passed out. around eleven or twelve, travis came up to my door, and blahblahblah. i told him to go to keith's. so yeah. i have no idea what happened with that. i feel really bad, like i bored marissa or something. i get really nervous when someone comes over that i've never hungout with, and i think they're really cool. because i feel like i have to be a good host and whatnot, but i'm so used to keith and amanda i just never care to do anything. i dunno. either way, i feel bad and stupid. i know she didn't have a good time. blah. yeah. i'm like, really fucking sad. it's gay. hilary and i talked and she told me whatever i wanted to hear. she said that we're friends now, if i like it or not. i don't like it. i'd rather not be friends. but i keep my mouth shut. i failed to mention the part where brandon and josh picked us up at 245 inthemorning and took us on a drive. even though i hate being around josh, there was nothing he could do or say. so it was alright. i'm about done with nick. yeah, i do have strong feelings for him, but that's whats fucking me up. he just seems too popular, and he seems to hit on girls too much. and i don't know. he calls it "being nice." there's a difference between being nice to someone and telling everyone that they're pretty. it makes me sad and uncomfortable. i'm not one to tell a random person they're cute or pretty or whatever. but he is. and i hate that to death. so yeah. whatever. guys just piss me off anyway. most of them atleast. they sit there, do something you don't like, you tell them about it, and they continue to do it. mhm. plus, he called hilary today. i'm really done with this bullshit. it upsets me and it's really a waste of fucking time. we'll sit there, figure out what'd be for the best, and he does the exact opposite. i feel like crying. and i couldn't eat for a day, which isn't bad. but still. somethings hit me hard. scotty should call. he's amazing. the best brother ever. eh. toXyourXdismayX: yeah. i pretty much done with all of this. he's obviously not being 100% truthful to one of us,, so its not worth it she's right.