I've been in one of those god awful moods lately. You know...where you feel cursed, unmotivated, and pretty much damned? Yup...that's me! My car's a piece of shit, I'm a poor bastard, I hate my job, I want a real relationship with a guy...and all in all...just a sence of fucking security. I hate being like this. All pessimistic and synical...it sucks! I don't know why I've just begun like this lately. I was fine just a week ago. And I had about the same problems then! I don't know...I guess I'm just in a rut or something. The trick is how to go about fixing it without loosing whatever sanity I have left! Fuck...I just wish that everything would be 'hunky-dory' and my life would move along in the right direction. What is the right direction? Shit I don't know anymore! Everything that I stood for morally...has now gone to shit...and I'm left here questioning what really is "the right thing?". Is it what you yourself want/desire...or what society has engraved in our skulls? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! It's driving me fucking mental! See...I know what I need to do financially....I think. But my BIG problem is men. It used to be that I couldn't even consider having sex with a guy until we were in a relationship and I was 'in-love' and so was he. But now...now it's different. I want to give into my carnal desires, live in the moment, and have a good time. But at the same time, this whole planning on "not getting too attatched" thing doesn't seem to be working out too good for me. So....GRRR! Blah...whatever. I'll figure it out...a happy compromise with myself. Hopefully, anyway. But until then...I'm going to stop ranting and try to be sensible and realistic. That might help! But I'm going to stop this before I go on FOREVER. So I will write later...hopefully a happier entry that finds myself pleased. More or less anyway! So take care everyone! Peace!