I stayed with Josh last night. It was hard...I really wish that I could snap my fingers and make everything work out and be with him and make him happy. I really do feel like I'm not good enough for him...He deserves so much better...but I guess I make him happy, and he deserves that too. I of all people know that. I just want to...dnsp my fingers and get over whatever is holding me back...and just be with him the way he wants me to be...He's so amazing, I never thought I would ever be with anyone as great as he is. And there's nothing else I could ever ask in a guy...He's got it all. And it's just so amazing. There's just something there blocking him now. I'm scared, I know that. And I know that Chris has a part in it...But not enough to mae me leave Josh. Chris wants me to be with Josh. I just...I don't really know what's going on with me...