There is so much that I could say and would say...just to be able to write whatever I want and never have to worry about anyone ever finding it. But some things don't need to be written. Some things don't need to be remembered. And somethings need not even cross a persons mind ever again. This past week has really made me realize a lot of things. I always thought it would be Jessica that would mess things up and now I'm afraid that it might be me. I love her more than anything and anyone in the world...But I'm loosing me again. And when I'm lost it's like she doesn't exist. She is my life, my entire life...I don't know what I would do without her. She has become the key to my past, present and future. She has given me things that I never thought anyone could. I love her more than life itself. And I don't ever, ever want to hurt her. Three more years of being apart...Three more years of lonely nights, nights where I can't sleep 'cause she's not there, nights where I lay awake remembering the way she feels in my arms, the way she looks up at me and smiles, the way she holds my face as she kisses me...the way she tastes...the way she'll wiggle underneath me as she lets a moan escape her mouth and the pleasure show on her face before she gets embarrassed and puts her arm over her face... It's the little things that mean the most. And the little things that wouldn't let me walk away in Arizona. I promised her my life, the good and the bad and everything that comes with it. I told her I would be with her forever, that I would never leave her. And I won't. Over the past week I have done some things I wish I hadn't. Some of which I don't remember, some of which I wish I had made a better decision. None of which were wrong. As much as I grew when we were together, I am now growing while we are apart. And we're not growing apart...We're growing on our own which is the next step, I guess. See what happens and how we work through everything. Right? I lvoe her, and I am so proud of her. She hasn't been doing drugs, or drinking all that much...I dunno, i have too much in my head right now to think about anything but her...