i got in a huge fight with my dad today when he found out i didnt go out with anna and my mom. he brought me inside and started screaming at me telling me i was an asshole and there was something seriously "wrong" with me and he wanted nothing better to do than punch me. then i screamed back at him and told him i hated him and to get the hell away from me. typical parental-child fight.. right? ugh whatever. then he like yelled at me some more and i let some things that had been on my mind slip a little. i actually felt a little better afterwards. although when im done talking to him he makes me feel like my problems with him are all my fault. he completely manipulates me.. every time. i dont understand it at all. then everything was alright for a bit.. i had alot of fun with anna before we went to bed.. shes leaving at 5 am tomorrow so i figured id just stay up a bit more.. but i cant help but feel this longing lonely .. pain, almost. im still so miserable inside.. and now that shes leaving i feel like something else has been taken away from me.. things are always good for me.. but only for a little while. then everything goes away, or takes a turn for the worst. and i hate it.. i want something more in my life. because im sick of crying myself to sleep every night wishing this pain would just go away.. the "relief" i get is only temporary. i put on such an act sometimes-- i dont even know myself or how im feeling most of the time. and once i discover it.. it scares me.. and i hate it.. and im tired of it.. and i know (from my parents point of view at least) i complain alot.. but im so sick of never being truely happy..