i've said so many times that i havent known what to think -- "i just don't know what to think anymore." -- and then i think about it, and i come to some conclusion of how i'm going to keep pushing myself to be okay with it all. then something happens, and i'm back to feeling the same way about everything. its sickening how wrong i am about myself and i need to do something to make me okay, but i don't. i don't know how. i am a mean rude person who can't keep anyone happy. damn... what am i to do about such things? people are fed up with me. ------------------------------------------------------ i don't want to look like a boy ------------------------------------------------------ i could use an angel right about now, but as i look around, for the first time there isn't one to be found. these winged loves they come and go.. usually go as i sit all flesh and blue eyes so .. lend me your fire. a little while to burn is what i'd prefer. lend me something solid. you act do certain, but you're so unsure. always unsure. i could use another mountain to surpass, to conquer, to climb. i'm thinking i could not meet you on the other side.. what do you think? ------------------------------------------------------- and yet i have this strong urge to call caitlin before i go to sleep because i haven't heard her voice all day long. ------------------------------------------------------- pathetic. -------------------------------------------------------