"Grass comes back every spring, green as ever. I guess people can too." so it's pretty late and i'm thinkin' i have a bike ride to go on tomorrow.. they didn't wake me up today because i didn't want to go shooting afterwards. since when do i shoot guns? um, i dont.?. so i shouldn't be on the team or what? i duno but he shouldnt have bought be ugly 100 dolla sunglasses for riding if i dont get to ride, eh? sucks for him. but i really need to exercize.. exercise? i can't spell, so shoot me. yeah but i need to cuz i'm ugly, lol. ok thats harsh, but i could look better if i rode a bike all the time. pretty much all i did today was ride the stationary bike in the garage, lift weights, and run around heidi's house cleaning shit up. then i smoked and relaxed cuz fuuuuuuck i need to relax. i've been like stressed and pissed off and confused for weeks, and it's bad for my body. maybe it wasn't such a great time to get off my medication, but i want to take care of myself now. at least i hope i can. i'm not like... incapable or anything. medicine is for sick people, and i'm not sick. i'm perfectly fine, actually. i don't want to let any one thing run my life. i'm going to write a book. it's about time i sit my ass down and make words. i want to set it in california and base it around my life but fuck it up a whole lot worse and make it really cool. i can have a pretend real life.. a pretend real one? right then, i make sense. cait came by this morning to give me by birthday present - a corderoy jacket from abercrombie and fitch (CUTE!) with the 80 dollar price tag still on it (DANG!). i wanted to thank her but i also wanted to leave her alone so i will thank her when i see her. it is really cute tho. i wore it today with my stretch levis, a brown wifebeater, my blue a&f shirt tied tight in the back, and my mom's new keds. it felt gooooooood. oh baby. i think i'll kick back on the oh-so-emo entries for a while and just write for myself on paper cuz yall don't need to hear my inner-most thoughts about how much of a lost and delirious headcase i am. they're mine all mine! nyahahahaha! in further news, i saw britney spears on jay leno last night. she showed me her ugly big toe, and then she got hot on the dance floor. and then i took her home and we did the naked macarena. she looked like a goddess as always. i think someone is waking up... i'm scared. n/m he's in the bathroom. but i'm gonna go cuz i think this is pretty long and hairy. or just long. yeah. just long. peace