"Did I tell you that I hated you yet today?" Haha. I am supposed to call back in half an hour. & I have spent more time on the phone in the past four days than I probably have in the past six months. It's late. June is creeping along. If I could, I would freeze things right now, because I have a feeling that the coming weeks are going to be less than pleasant. I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat. one. It's midnight. yet: I haven't eaten since..lunch? Nothing of substance, anyway. two. If I eat, I'll get sick, and that's the last thing I need right now. [I never did have the grilled cheese sandwich. My sister was going to make one for me, too.] three. If I eat, I sleep. I don't want to sleep. I wish I didn't need to sleep. But I do. But I won't. I'm writing to fight off boredom, to fight off pent up energy and withdrawal. I guess I shall eat, then see how I feel. Then maybe I'll be able to write in something besides lists. I'm rereading old entries. Ace's. Craig's. Lain's. Memory lane.. fuck that. Haha. Ace. I tapped my sister on the head before, as Kashmir came over the speakers. "Kiersten Face," I said, "this song will change your life." She ignored me, put her headphones back on. Maybe she's too young. Maybe you can't force this kind of thing. Yes, I'm still listening to Zeppelin. No, it never fails to make me feel human again. I'm just crawling out of my skin. It's late, quiet. I'm alone. I'll be fine by morning, maybe even fine by the time I hang up the-fucking-phone. I'm running on pure adrenaline, no fuel, no fire. I'm antsy, anxious. I'm savoring it. It's a nice change.