I make lists to cross things off. I make friends to talk about what great friends we are. I ride in cars to look out windows. I move to fight off nausea. Constant motion, today, James's car and the curve of Stadium Drive. The crawl of Paintbranch Pkwy. Constant circles, pitstops in front of Van Munching. Five chimneys in the twilight. Stephanie. Jenny. James. Will. I. Pass the lighter, pack them right, flip the lucky. This warrents a break (it warrents a reexamination!) yet this weekend warrented it. No one is ready, yet, to be a father, a wife, an adult. Too busy stealing leather cigarette holders (did you make that yourself? is that laser-etched?), taking gallon-challenges, talking to strangers, and spending all our money on chemicals and eye-brow studs. I am fine with that! I am not ready to be ready! As Jenny put it, so prettily, college is my four-year break. No bills, no job, no worries. sxrxrr. My last chance to fuck up grandly and not regret a thing. God fucking damn it, I am taking that chance. One day I will get my shit together. I'll sleep when I'm dead.