I am tired of irony. I do not find it to be ironic that today, as campus awakes for the first time, I cannot. It was a day like today, a year ago, that made me decide to come to Maryland. A day when everything seems alive, and nothing is silent. I love winter, and the way that it turns me into the only piece of brilliant life in a grey landscape, but there is something about spring that I cannot capture. And elevation. A rising. A scent. A feel. I detest Ritalin. I told myself never, never again, because the sense of focus and purpose and euphoria is not worth the feelings I return to once the high is gone. How useless I am the next day. How everything aches, my nerves, my heart, my skin. I lay in bed at six in the morning and watched the flashes behind my eyes and nearly begged for sleep to come. I told myself never, never again. My best friend needed me and I did as well as I could for her. In a way, it was also what I needed. Worked out our problems, strengthened my resolve. To take a bath, to fall asleep in the arms of my lover would be utter bliss. To be done with school, and to have no responsibilities but to visit the cherry blossoms. To never have to make a difficult choice, or to explain to someone why you are worried about her. To make friends easily, to find comfort in any situation.