I would hate to call it abandonment, what we are all doing to each other, but eleven weeks without James can hardly be phrased any differently. While Stephanie worries her life away, sick at home, imprisoned, and Will is as far as ever, I am left. Here, with James to comfort me, to pick me up, to feed me, and for me to do the same, until he is gone. Uniformed and sorted into units yet so woundingly alone. While I remain. March is not so far away, James, but yet it seems a lifetime. I don't think I have realized yet, but my whole support system (besides a phonecall to Carrie or some other meager attempt) will be gone. I am happy for him, but I still cried when I pleaded yelled when I could not understand. Sat sullenly when he explained to others. My best friend is joining the Marines, and there is nothing I can do to change it. So I smoke another cigarette smoke another bowl ignore the stupidity of the past go on another fucking adventure and wait trying not to waste a moment.