So me and kailin have been talking every night. its kinda nice to have some one that actually cares. shes a really cool girl and i like her alot. atleast i think i do. im scared. i dont know what to do. everytime i get close to some one i end up hurting them and it just sucks. so we were talking and she told me she thinks shes falling in love with me. at first i was so happy but now im just scared. i think she just wants to have sex to tell you the truth. but then again i feel like she actually wants me. all we talk about now is how were going to have sex when she comes up on the thirtyith. dont get me wrong sex is nice and all i just.... so mike and mikey tried to get me drunk and to smoke pot. i hate that stuff. but when i thought about it i kinda thought why the fuck not. everyone drinks and smokes up. why dont i. why do i have to be different. i blew up the prelude. i felt like i had nothing left after that. my car was all i had left. but at the same time there was alot of memories in that car. ones that i dont want to remember anymore. so i needed money and sold it. $100. i miss it. i hate it at the same time. so now i have a really nice car and i dont like it. i like having a shity car and being able to beet the shit out of it. i like to go fast, jump, burn out, hit other car, and trash it. but now i cant. but at the same time i like having a nice roomy car that has leather seats good heat nice air and all the nice accesories that you need. im starting to like it but i still hate it. idk. there is so much more but i gotta go.