"music looks like the way you walk when you're at your happiest moment without the threat of it coming to an abrupt, life altering end destroying all joy formerly found." Don't ask. lol. Today was alright. I got two new pins at Trublood with Meghan. A spewing tongue that says, "Boogie till you puke" and a nice blue electric guitar. They rock. Duran Duran, Quiet Riot, a tongue and a guitar. Perfect matches, I do believe. This evening after an interesting venture in Barnes and Noble and fun scaring people in the bathroom, we headed off with Jenny,Jesus, John, and Dustin in search of a place to dine. We wound up...after much contemplation...at Golden China where Dan met us. Meghan pretended she was blind and we had fun making jokes and messing around. We then rocked down to Electric Avenue, but didn't take it higher. While in Dustin's jeep we listened to some...interesting music. I kind of liked a couple of the songs...what I heard of them anyway...they were by postal(?) service or something to that effect. I'm home now. It was an alright day/night, but just wasn't comparable to last night. Last night I had a total blast. More fun than I have had in a long time. I went to the Ventura vs. Buena football game where I met up with Barbara and then eventually Jenna, Laura, Andy, Ellison, Wes and Brian. Brian explained to Barbara and I the rules of football (which prior to last night, I had never been entirely clear on) Sad, I know. We lost, but it was so close! It was pretty intense, and I don't usually get real into the whole school spirit thing, but man, I was screaming so much. It was a lot of fun. Afterward, the lot of us (with the exception of Wes) headed on over to Starbucks. It was a lot of fun. Talking, laughing, going on about stupid things, discussing country with Jenna. It was really fun, and reminded me a lot of old times, minus a few people. It's raining now, which seems to automatically get my mood down. I don't know why. I don't really feel very well as it is. Sometimes I just want to run...far away...run and run until my lungs are ready to burst and I stop to find myself in the middle of nowhere. Away from everyone, and everything. I don't know why. I just sometimes get that feeling. Maybe once I actually get there, I will know why I went in the first place. The other night I had the strangest dream that I completely forgot about until today. Basically, in the dream, I smoked 3 cigarettes. All at different times, in different places, with different people, although the first two times Meghan was there. After the third, I was leaving when I started freaking out. I began to panick and grow maniacally frantic, all from one thought. For whatever reason after that last cigarette, I thought I was addicted, and I was afraid of what was going to happen. I didn't know if I was going to start craving them or what, and I didn't want my mom to find out, and I was basically terrified out of my mind. Now, I have never smoked in my life. I never plan to either, but the dream was just so odd and out of place feeling. I don't know. I hate computers. I really do. Why do I even come on here then? I don't know...necessity. Information. Keep up on everything since half the people I know revolve their lives around online journals. Being on the computer sometimes seems so pointless and wasteful...it devours time that could be used in so many more productive ways, while it seems to suck your soul away from you. Yet I continue to sit here and write. And will continue to do so on a semi-regular basis. How sad is that? Sometimes I worry that life is just going to pass me by...that all my dreams will steadily be engulfed in flame and go up in smoke. I work so hard to try to ensure that that doesn't happen, but then I feel like I am often missing out on what most will say are some of the best years of one's life because I am so preoccupied in securing success. And not success in a sense that I will make lots of money, but success in doing something that will, in one way or another, better someone else's life. There are so many things that I so badly want to do, it seems impossible to decide which I want to do most, and that worries me too. Maybe I just worry too much about everything. Maybe I am too uptight. But maybe I am right to worry so much. There are so many maybes. I want to live life and love it, I want to give so much to others, to help them in ways others have helped me, I want to learn, I want to understand, I want so much. The more I start thinking about it, the more I question everything, and each question leads to more, and it just grows and grows. I have to go now. Goodnight all of you lovely septics. Do not let the boogie man get you. Sincerely.