i'd like to be anywhere but here. some serene site with some serene sight. i'll take flight and maybe never make it home again. my broken head is breaking my heart, in more ways than one. the sun shines but the air is cool and i have everywhere to be, but here is where i am. i let my lids drop and the world disappears, all i know is all i sense. they lift again and no escape. just a dream that made my heart drop. everytime my body shudders in that repulsive convulsion, i hate myself more. for being weak, and wrong, and giving in to dangerous impulse. i'm rotting from the inside out, head to toe. but i won't fall down. to the ground. that would be too obvious. so it's a clandestine floating and i've got nowhere to push off from. no control, no direction. so i eat myself alive and pretend nothing's wrong. no, i never had a left foot. with a smile smile smile.