The distinction between what I feel and what I want to feel is often too vague to be reassuring. I hate always second guessing myself, constantly afraid to hurt someone, to screw up. Maybe not so evident to those around me, but I recognize my mistakes, my injury to others, notoriously. Perhaps it's shame or regret that makes me look with such critical eyes, but as hard as I try to get away, I always find that past stepping on my heels, chasing me once again into disaster. My stomach jumps and my heart cringes at the thought of hurting someone again, despite the best of intentions. I really am so tired of being lonely.