oh my gosh i am haveing so many mixed feelings right now and i decided to write it in my sd cause noone reads it anyways haha unlike that blasted xxxaanga....yea first i am mad because some people like my mother expect too much from me, she gets pissed at me for comeing home everyday and yet she yells at me for being gone..wtf? i just dont understand....also i feel horrible because i feel like ive been neglecting my friends or just pissing them off and i dont know how to fix things its almost like im not close to anyone anymore i try to be but i dont know....the only person i talk to about it is brandi...and i suppose i dont even say much there either.....and i like someone...i dont know how to tell them, im just scared and i dont know....okay i was talking to a friend not mentioning names, shes a kool one tho, and we were talking about suicide notes okay i must point this out IM NOT SUICIDAL!! NOT AT ALL...i just wondered what i would want to say to ppl so heres how mine would go MOM: i love you and i dont want to feel like when i come home im gonna get yelled at for stupid shit, you always gripe about tammy bitching but seriously i know where she gets it....i love you but it feels lately almost like you want me to go away and home is always my get away its where i hide and lately i havent even been able to go there anymore, not only because of all the people but because im always blamed for everything that goes on in that fucking house and everytime you get pissed or something goes wrong u yell at me...no joke kelsey spills something and u yell at me for not watching her....i try to talk to you, you never fucking listen to me....you wonder why we arent close, its because you dont care....i love you mom i really do and i want us to get along but you always make me feel like i was a mistake and so does fucking everyone else Tammy: yea here are your priorities....terry, the kids, our parents, our family, your nosy ass friends and then me....all im here for is to be yelled at by mom so she doesnt yell at you Dad: the only time you talk to me is when im in trouble....never to say good job...id like it greatly if just for once youd be proud of me and acknowlege that im not a complete failure.... Brandi: thank you...for being there and for putting up with all my shit.....im sorry if i ever did anything to piss you off.and im sorry i couldnt have been a better friend, i tried, i promise. your still my best friend and no matter what i wouldnt choose anyone over you, no matter who it is. I care about you and i dont want you to be sad anymore.and may i say, you have an uber sexxi emo flip Heather: dear lord....if you were any dumber youd die and i leave you my insullation Barry: as u already know....i really like you and i hope that someday we (now comes the part where i breathe my last)