first off, i would like to wish RACHAEL REBECCA DURBIN happy 16th Birtday!! i love you sweetheart. um. i feel bipolar right now. i know i'm not but i just feel it. life's confusing man. i feel everything at once and then i get confused cuz i don't know who i am or what i want or how people perceive me or everything. I LOVE YOU LAURA CHRISTINE COLLINGS. and jamie is here for you, always and forever amen. if you ever need me to beat a boy up, i'll be the first in line. if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, mine is always available (no reservations needed) if you ever need a person to talk to and vent, i'm just a phone call away (dude, my parents dont care) and i love you sweetheart. and i'm sure you are going through more emotions than i've gone through but all i can do is be here for you. and let you know that i love you, and i'm thinking of you, and you are in my prayers always. you'll get through it eventually. it may not be easy but you'll get through it. blah. it's like one moment you are on the very top and the next you're lying on the floor from where you fell, wondering what the hell happened. i don't know how i feel about my life. i don't know how i feel about myself. i feel like i used to know who i was, or at least had a sense of who i was. but i feel like i don't know myself. and that annoys me because i feel like a waste. i want to impact people's lives and make a difference. i want to change the world. those are very big ambitions, but otherwise i'd feel like i'm put here for no reason and i have no contribution to society. and everyday i don't feel like i'm affecting people's lives. i think, if i wasn't here, would it really make a difference? not in like an emo, do people really care about me, sort of way but more of a, have i helped someone or changed their perspective on life for the better? i don't know, that didn't make sense. i wish i could like plop everything that is circulating through my brain right onto here, but i don't understand anything that's going on up there. i feel like i'm stuck in this place in my life. i feel like the same person i was last year. i just want to move on with my life and move onto bigger and better things, but it's as if i'm stuck. i mean your brain tells you one thing, and you're heart does the other. and blahdlfjldkjflkjdslfkjsldkfjljsdlfjldsjflkjdsl lskdf lksjf lksjd flks dflksj flkjsdf lkjsdf lkasj flkjsd flkjsd flks dflk sdklf skd flksd flksjdfl ksdjf lksjd flkjs dlf sld flsjd lfkjsd fljsofieorulsa fml aslkdf lxcmfoidurliej fkldsjf oisudoivusldifjsdf. blah i hate thinking. i'm leaving bye.