so this is my heart updating? idk, katie asked how my heart was doing lately? && then i avoided the question until she forgot about it. so just to set the record straight: well my heart hasn't been having a very good last couple of months. not good at all. and so it's very tired and strained from all of that. and i guess it just got kinda tired of dealing with it everyday, so it (and partly me too) has made a decision. that it's not going to repair itself or get any better if i keep beating myself up over this. so i'm trying to move on. sort of. i'm just giving up on the source of my heart's troubles. because my heart has been trying to find completeness in him but he won't listen to my heart... or doesn't care to, something like that. so the best i can do at this point is to try to talk less or go out of my way to the see the source of my heart's troubles. not saying that i'm ignoring the source, but i'm not going to go and be all "omg hi my name is jamie look at me". so the source of my troubles can try to be buddy buddy with me one moment and not talk to me the next... but this heart has nothing left to give. it's drained. so i'm ignoring what half of my heart is saying, and the other half knows that i can move on with my life and be with other people. but that's all i know for right now.