i can't sleep. i remember when i was younger, i used to always wake up in the middle of the night and find my mom sitting in the living room watching tv. she said she couldn't sleep. and it was always her worrying about something. whether it was the bills or the boys going off to college or something. maybe i got it from her. i always feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders. it's not that people put it there or anything but i always seem to bring it upon myself. right as i feel i'm on top and life is going good, i always worry about what is going to happen to other people and it ruins my mood. i basically had the funnest night of 2006 tonight. i love my friends and we're goofy and amazing. but i worry about other people. what about other people who don't have amazing friends like me, or who don't have these amazing nights like me. and while maybe they are satisfied with their lives without the amazing friends and amazing lives, i just want everyone to be able to experience and not to look back on their high school career and remember it as not fun. i mean what about the kids everyone makes fun of? or the kids who don't have that many close friends? or the kids who never go out on the weekends? gah, it just bothers me so much that not everyone has a perfect life and not everyone is happy. i mean it may not seem like a big deal to everyone but it's making me cry. i mean i started thinking about my brother. and yeah, i know he has friends at school, but he rarely ever goes out with his friends on the weekends. and it makes me sad. as much as he pisses me off constantly, i just want him to be happy. because how am i supposed to know if he's happy? for all i know, his life sucks and he hates high school. but i don't want it to be that way. i feel like this little kid with all these grown up problems i have to solve, but i can't. i can't solve these problems and it hurts me that i can't. i just want to cry to my mom but i can't because i'm supposed to be a big girl. i'm supposed to be a big girl and handle her own problems but i just want to be a little kid sometimes and cry to my parents. i don't know, none of this makes sense.