well well well.... i know i took a break for a while there. i had intended to come back and rewrite that last entry that erased but thankfully it did erase becuz it all changed the next day. i actually wish u could have seen what a coincidence it was what i had put and what happend the next day. ne ways the one that erased was basically me explaining how i felt bad for my dad even tho like i have every reason to hate him. i mean hes basically screwed...getting jail time starting thursday and shit...just hes screwed. so yea i was all sympathetic for him that day. but for what? he screws up the worst ever the very next day. he fuckin takes my mom out to a field and beats the shit out of her. i couldnt believe it i mean fuck... she didn't even do ne thing. hes just so fucked up right now on his drugs and yet he hasnt the slightest will to get help for it and even try to get us back. but u know if he can be that ignorant to us i can do it as well. its all him from here. i mean he took me out of school like the day before yesterday to "talk". heh well that he may have done but as for me...i more like yelled. heh i didn't realize it but i guess everyone heard me haha...i told him EVERYTHING i had to say and he gets all fuckin hurt by it. i mean geez... he sits there and lies to my face and yet he wants me to feel bad for him. what pissed me off the most is all he was worried about was my mom giving him a divorce so he could find another chic. im just like u asshole...u need some help. but shit its like all that hes done and im still a sucker for feeling bad for him. UGH he just makes it so hard shit... i mean fuck i want my own house again. i love my grandmas but u can only live with em for so long ya know? ANYWAYS...i just had to let all that out. diaries are great... u tell em whatever bullshit u want and they cant tell you that ur a stupid jackass...gotta love it. ok now....the feeling of embarrassment and the title of "i can't see!!"....let me explain... haha..its funny actually....ok so i wake up this morning and my eyes feel funny. so i walk with practically shut eyes to the shower. i undress and stuff and glance at the mirror and like practically fall on my bare naked ass. my eyes were all fucked up! they were all swollen! i was like shit! so i looked at em for like 10minutes then got in the shower hopin the heat would do somethin. then i get out and the mirror is foggy so i cant see myself yet. i put on my clothes and take a DEEP breath. i grabbed the towel and wiped down the mirror. AHHH! haha my eyes were worse. i swear i scared myself thats how ugly it was hahaha...so yea it never went away and i couldnt miss school today so i had to go like that!!! i was so uncomfortable all day. i had to like scrunch my eyebrows so u couldnt tell as much hahaha...man from now on when i get mad at someone im gonna wish that their eyes get swollen hahaha. man well thankfully its over. my eyes are good now. oh yes! my list has grown WOOT! i now like TWO guys. haven't talked to either of em but hey haha...wow im pathetic...whateva i like it like this...kinda...i dunno but yea i guess hes all in love with this one chic i know tho but i feel so bad for him cuz shes always talkin about some new guy that she likes or someone likes her or some shit and shes really nice and i like her a lot but...yea i know how it is to like someone like that. i really hope she doesn't hurt him tho... but ne ways like i said i don't even know him yet so odds of me getting with him? prolly not too high but i gotta go for it or else ill never know...well thats all...fingers are crampin here HEY GRECIA I HOPE YOU GET SWOLLEN EYES!!!