Day 15: all good in the hood Alcohol consumed: few shots Temptations: none good enough Come out tonight, come out tonight baby girl while I still like you. I promised myself ‘no more lines about her, no more thoughts where she’s my leading lady.’ so take heed now hunny, because this pen with your name is running dry, and these might be my last lines...with your name, your name, what’s her name? Good, we’re already on the right track. It went something like this a month or less ago. If she’d wake up and felt the world was fallin at her feet, I’d want to take that world and curse it for even trying to look ugly to her face. I’d take each word she said... play it over in my head untli those words were lyrics to the most beautiful song i ever heard. And it didn’t matter what she said, only that she was saying it to me and that I could even be a part of her world. And if somehow that world didn’t seem to treat her right to bring her down, I’d be ten miles below her feelin just as bad or worse. And each morning when she’d wake me with her words, I felt like nothing any man could describe. I could have flew on her “I love you’s.” I must have thought that this was the best high there could ever be, I must still be addicted. If there was some way to take those feelings she gave me and bottle it in glass, I’d be the first to buy it and shoot it through my veins. And it’s a scary thought to think someone could have every bit as much power as you over yourself. To think “I wouldn’t die for me, but I sure as hell would die for her.” It’s disgusting, it’s sick. my heart has overdosed. and then enevitably, something goes wrong. You exist no more. But baby no fear, because I know there’s hope yet. You can’t fool me with that angry bitch act. You love me, admit it. I’m done with your drugs, I ‘m only here to take you in moderation. Your tears can’t fake excuses this time. PUSH me away, tell me to fuck off.(((for no reason at all,no reason at all))) But guess where that gets you? It gets it to here. To nowhere with me.

Giving the Finger 3/26/2003 What am I now? The Used keeps playing over and this guy can pull off yelling/screaming and singing at the sametime. SOmetimes I feel like yelling, but cover shit up- like most people I'm finding out say they do also. How many people hide how they really feel? Scared of things they feel,? too embarrassed to feel them? I don't give a fuck right now. Fuck you. I've got 100 more of those I've been saving in the back of my head to say to people. I'm angry I'm bitter, I'm sad, I carry a heart tearing right in half, and a life looking like shit compared to how it used to look. Looks polished and perfect from where you stand, but it's fucked in here. I don't give a fuck what you think of me. Nice guy, conceited, smart, stupid, caring, too into himself to give a fuck. I'm all of everything depending on my mood. I like you one second, next you're annoying the shit out of me and I can't stand to hear you talk. This is why somedays I have to ignore people. You wouldn't want to tip this guy anyway. I"ll bite your head off anyways. You could take it personally, who cares? Why waste your time though? Just wait a week and I'll be chill. "It's all in how you mix the two." Sometimes when you can't see- I flip you the finger. What are you gonna do when you don't know?

60 PINKERTON 3/26/2003 The Pinkerton CD was always our favorite. I got your letter, you got my song. I asked you to go to the Geen Day concert, you said you never heard of them. How cool is that? And you were no half Japanese girl. I always thought Rivers had it wrong. I was in the sea of blonde hair and lost in oceans of blue eyes. Can't even look in your eyes without shakin', and I ain't fakin', I'll bring home the turkey in you bring home the bacon. So some down on the street and dance with me. But I'm tired, so tired of having sex. And I'm JELLO baby. And the CD played in my car almost every Saturday making those weekly rounds landing up wherever. But now I'm singing some different tne to another, but this time it's love. Why are you so far away from me? I need help and you're way across the sea. But what can I do? I got your birthday card, you got my song. Wait for it, just wait for it to come. Spent Just 8 monthes erasing you from my system. It's not like you to come crawling back for a 3rd time. It's not fair to ask for my help when i'm in this position. I hate caring when this was never fair. I swore I had forgotten what it was like to be with you. I swear I don't know you anymore, I swear you're not fair. A cringe to every touch. Why the fuck is it like this every two monthes? Your enternal clock is going off and each time it just gets easier to forget you. I'm a dense wall feeling nothing, yet feeling it all at once. Don't ruin this, don't ruin what I have. You were never fair. So how can you question how your pictures have been replaced?

59 to rest 3/26/2003 Just sank in what you told me yesterday. I'm about to be usefully put to rest . Just a few more moments until I'm the forgetten and the one to lose intrest in. And what can I say except this is all my fault. My faulty mind scared of nothing except for something that's nothing. I'm figuring at this time, you don't need me, I'm nothing more than a nothing. And now you are gonna figure that out. I'll try and figure out a use for my uselessness, but it's not so easy b/c you were it. Could you always really feel the same? What's about to happen? What will we think tomorrow? How's this weekend gonna be? I'm scared, such torture make my mind think every possible thought, even the one where I lose you.

58 Monday NIghts in my bed 3/24/2003 We aren't what we were supposed to be, not what we intended to be. If you only knew how good you really are. I know is what you don't know. Turning around 'cause you turn me on. Don't avoid this don't always turn me off and away. You give so much then subject change, How's the weather up there? What's UP, if you only knew, but you on't and don't care to find out. Circles that we run in everyday, we're avoidingly good at ignoring somethings. If you only knew these thoughts I think about you. Wouldn't tell you 'cause i'm just too.. what? Embarrassed? Ashamed? I don't give a fuck, but you're like " next subject" you're always "Eww" I"m only human in here. Naturally feeling these chemicals pumpin' through me, through my evidence of sexuality. But next subject. is this too uncomfortable for us? My past experiences aren't going away, but i think about them more latley, more and more replaced by you. I felt you tonight, if you just wanted to know. Damn you're good. "Rather waste some time with you" "We've fallen in love, It was the best idea I ever had" you want this all the time.

57 dum dee dee doo wop 3/25/2003 YO homies!!!! So it was like this, and like that, and you know how it goes yo! Could Tuesday have been a little more random? NO really! Could it have been? I don't think i would have been able to take that with an ice cream cone, no but serioulsy folks. Yeah and that's just how weird today was. I'm delirious. So basically I am walking back behind the school past the living lab to get to my car. I've been waiting around awhile because I have been waiting for andy to get done getting it on with his girlfriend in her car. SO i'm pretty pissed 'cause this isn't the first time this has happened. I don't have to wait too long though.. 'cause hey! It's Andy.. know what I mean? BUt as i'm waiting for him I decided to walk over to see if sara's car is still parked or if she's there 'cause i needed to get a cd of mine back from her she had in her car. So as i'm walking over towards the living lab I hear this screaming and yelling.And i knew i knew that scream, because it's been directed at me quite a many times before. So i walk around this car and don't see anything, but yet there is still more screaming happening. So being the concerned guy i am, I decided to find out what was going down. BUt i couldn't see anyone. So i finally figured it was coming from in the living lab so i looked up this kinda hill thing where there are trees. So i see beyond these trees cait and mike. Cait is screaming and crying at him, and at that moment i could kinda sympathize with the guy thinking "man that sucks to be him, he should have known better." So at that moment I was just gonna walk away, 'cause last thing I am about to do is get in the way with caitlin and mike. NO WAY! But then I hear mike start yelling, and he's getting kinda crazy. BUt i kinda try to ignore it. So then sara comes by and i walk over to her car and point mike and cait out to her. And she says "oh yeah i heard mike had sex with her best friend or something this weekend when he told cait he was at his grandma's." So then i hear mike screaming "shut the fuck up bitch!" And that's not cool to me. BUt i'm not about to get involved, but then i looked over and he is all shaking her, then i see him push her down this hill thing. And she's screaming and crying, and i see her going back over to her. So at that moment i was like "fuck it." so i dropped my back pack with sara and ran through the living lab and over up to mike and i was holding him back and telling him to calm down. So he's trying to push me 'cause the guy hates me anyways. SO i just tell him "dude just fucking leave now, just go mike" and So FINALLY andy comes around and sara kinda fills him in on what happened so he runs up. Andy gets me to get mike to leave and then we go over to caitlin and help her up and she's a mess. I felt terrible seeing her like that, bt what am i supposed to do? All i can really do is give her a hug and tell her he's an ass and she could do better and not to worry about him. So thank god her friends came by and they took it from there. She thanked us again, then i told andy to get his shit so we could go. IT was Kind of a weird akward moment i wish i didn't have to go through, but at the sametime glad i was there to stop that fucking asshole.

55 3/22/03 3/22/2003 A lot has happened in the last week. I'm sure if you read this diary you know that my mom is really sick with cancer. WEll this week we were basically told that she has about a year ..maybe... to live. So you can imagine the state i'm in.

53 Back AGAIN 3/14/2003 See this guy? THIS IS A HAPPY GUY. Alia I love you. I think you should invent ali-O's so I can start my day out the right way. There just isn't enough of you in this world to go around. I'm so ready to be here everyday for you, to be there to help you get through anything. It's you and me baby and we'll show them all how we can get through anything. You're my number one girl!

52 Just a guy. We don't get things. 3/13/2003 Explaining your explanations is turning my head inside out, but i'm outside in- putting my heart out for all to see. do you see it yet? It's got your name written all over it. ERASE, ERASE. I tried, tried so hard to try and get yor mark out of my system, but somehow it keeps lingering around. You're carved out in every inch of me that breathes. When you say "break" do you mean to break me down to pieces? Words, words, words they spill from your finger tips and wrap around me. Get this grip off of me. I can't just unclasp this or forget what I felt just yesterday for you. But I could try if it's what you really need. Wish I could feed my need, but you're gone and I'm left starving for this satisfaction which is you. I'm burning holes into my ceiling everynight when I lay in bed thinking about you. You're so good at being everywhere when you are nowhere around. I know, I try to believe you when you say "I love you, never doubt that." But what is that you're doing now? You're figuring you're life out, but I'm being figured out of it. I'm okay, I'm okay. I can take in this next breath- close- but I did it. I understand what you need, but can't have what I want. so I'll wait- FOREVER just doesn't seem too long for someone like you. I'd rather wait this like time then never be able to have you back. So how long does it really take to figure out one's life? HOw long does it take to get back on your old track? This could take monthes, translating what will feel like years to me. Forget me, forget me not. In teenage time, a month is an easy way to forget me. Just the otherday when we didn't talk, I didn't know how I would get through the day- just thinking you didn't want to talk to me. Because when you don't talk, it's easier to forget.

Skipped 50 51 Letting Go 3/12/2003 She's breaking down. So we're..breaking up? Crack, snapple, and pop and that's just my heart being given the drop. Excuse me as I disconnect the line from my heart to your world. But wouldn't it be so much easier if I was built with an on/off switch? "you love me now, but wait until i flip this lever here." BUt i'm at such a loss because there was a glitch in the factory and i was built with a brain and a memory- 1985 edition. SO when I'm just supposed to drop it all, I can't because I'm still so drunk off your love, I got a lingering hangover that won't leave me alone. ANd this is the part where I compliment you and tell you how you make my world a better place. BUt we skip that, move on to the next part and pretend like I never said that because you hate to hear things like that about you. "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. " --Sam Keen SO what do I say? Nothing. I'm good at that. It's not like I ever know to say anyways, so i'll keep my tongue tied. I know you need this, you need to not need me. I can see that being a problem, I wouldn't want to need me either, but i'm stuck in a rut and unfotunatley got stuck with..well..me. BUt look at me..I understand. you need the space, even though I actually thought there was enough distance between us. BUt you got to start putting your life back together, and i know it. I just don't want to admit it to myself. I love you and just want to see you happy and successful, and if that means letting go for now- then I guess i'll just have to let it go. "If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." --Richard Bach

49 THink It's Time 3/10/2003 OK this is for julia because she asked me to write this up for her, because for someone reason she liked it and it means something to her- I dunno. I wrote this HELLA long ago. Almost two years ago. so here it is... And here goes another day of having to have to see you in class. Did you have to sit next to me? Please remove your hands from my face, if I wanted to smile I would figure out away to do it without your hands pulling my mouth apart. God you are so fucking annoying. And I bite my tongue as I turn my head away from you, because I don't want to look at you and lose it. And there you go talking away, and i don't fucking care. Everyday and you run around in front of me trying to impress me, but talking louder won't make what you're saying any better. Shut the hell up. Stop looking at me. Stop trying to catch my eyes. I want to turn and tell you how it is now. How things will never be the same, but you would never understand. YOu would just sit in your chair and remind me for the billionth time how you are jealous of my friends. How did we reach this point? How did I go from loving you to hating everything you stand for? I remember a sunday morning laying in my bed. YOu talked of how you wanted to leave the west behind to go to some college back East. I tried to tell you that would be dumb "It's too far and the weather gets too cold." And I never said I didn't want you to go because I would miss you, but you just presumed that's what I ment. And I remember my face catching on fire with embarrassment.Was that what I ment? So I remember trying to touch you and put my arm around you, but you moved away. So maybe you were ment to move away somewhere far far away, b/c obvioulsy I will never figure us out, and I wish you would just leave. Just leave me alone. So hey, I said "Screw you! I"m moving on." And that's what I did. I don't need this shit anymore. FUck you for saying you know me so well, you don't know shit. Goddamn best choice I ever made. You are annoying , did I mention that? ANd now everyday I have to deal with you pretending you don't know where it all went wrong. YOU LIAR! You were the part that FELL apart. I even knew that. Damn. YOu are so annoying

48 If you understand this- I am impressed 3/10/2003 READ THE TITLE- THAT'S A WARNING I'm reminiscent to my past because it lands up carving my future. I can't hear you when you say things I don't want to hear. My selective hearing is of course key to how I end up living my days out. If I don't want you around "poof!" You're gone and are no more. I concentrate so hard on some things, other things just seem to lose importance. "What's that you say? I see your lips moving but I can't make out a word you're saying" Most likely because I don't want to. I guess it's true, I can only focus my attention at one person at a time, but look - I'm not fucking Houdini here. Just like I don't have 50 arms and can only do so much at one time. I really wish I would write my thoughts down everyday- not just my thoughts- but what I throughout the day. Just one thing I know I would love to look back on- something I could share w/ my grand kids and say "yeah this is what life was like for me back in the day."Would they care? Who knows, but I would like to think they just might. But now that I think about it- I wouldn't want them to know. I'm such a bad role model. I wouldn't want any kid turning out like me. I hate hard work- I lose interest in things so fast. My parents would agree.I would always try out different things as a kid - music lessons, sports, art classes- only to get bored in the first few weeks. I always wanted to be home doing what I wanted to- usually to ride my bike with Nicole and play our games that we made up- naked lady island was her idea. TWISTER- what a game. You start out so ready to play and clear headed, until you are tangled up and clearly confused (oxymoron). What a great way to sum up life. We are constantly battling this game of twister with ourselves and society.Sometimes I think about things too much until I wish my brain would explode. How many different escapes are there these days? For the youth today it's either impale myself on some Schmirinoff vodka, smoke a bowl, mutilate myself, or why not just kill myself? So many wastes. If only people could realize how beautiful a human life is. It isn't something you can make in a factory or something you can give shelf life to. It needs love and affection, but it also needs rules in discipline, but if people only knew the limits. If everyone could just be on the same page, we could make such a wonderful world. But no, the world has to be full of psychos, assholes, and perverts. You got to wonder what went wrong or or what went bad in their fertilizer, or maybe WHAT THE HELL they sat on. How big really is that stick you got shoved up your ass? I think the world would be so much better if we all just started helping each other pull the sticks out from each others asses. Understand that all of us- you and me- all have sat on one somewhere along the way. We really aren't so different. I guess I don't really know though, I have selective hearing.

47 Better than an orgasm 3/8/2003 Remember being a kid and having to go pee really really bad? So bad you were dancing around in circles yanking your mom's jacket screaming "MOM I HAVE TO PEE!" And this continued until you were grabbing your crotch and mom was beyond embarrassed because you were in the middle of a restraunt with a bunch of family friends. Or maybe you didn't make it that far, and yes you peed on yourself. You may be lucky, however, if you are still in that diaper stage (or hey you might be a big kid and be in pull ups) - lucky for you. BUt what about us REALLY big kids? A recent study, that SHOCKED adults everywhere. stated that teens make up for 20% of alcohol use in the U.S. today. Yeah but see that really doesn't surprise me considering I see all my friends drunk every weekend anyways. THe point is- awhile back, go back a few monthes before I quit drinking. It was a saturday night out drinking with the buddies. We were at one friends house and I had drank a few too many drinks. Before I EVER had a chance to use the bathroom, we were being herded out the door. I was put in the back of someone's car to be driven somewhere else. Who this random girl was..I do not know. about halfway through the ride I had to take the BIGGEST piss ever. What is a guy to do? "excuse me girl i do not know, I NEED TO PEE or i will BURST all over your car." She laughed.. I WASN'T JOKING THOUGH. Now the beginning stages of having to pee suck, but after awhile IT JUST PLAIN HURTS! When I say hurts I mean MEGA DISCOMFORT. If I didn't pee soon my bladder would EXPLODE and I would exist no more. I'm already a little out of my head, but to add THIS ON...just too much for a simple guy like me to handle. So i try crossing my legs, moving my position in the backseat. Nothing was helping. It didn't help the guy next to me was drinking a BIG GULP and slurping it in my ear. I was contimplating whether I should take the big gulp and dump it on his head so i could piss in the cup, or just shove it up his ass for being annoying. And this OBLIVIOUS girl does not understand the concept of a FULL BLADDER. This puppy was on the verge of busting at the seems, it is no time to joke around and not take me seriously. the reality of it was..I had to pee, and it had to be RIGHT THEN AND THERE. I am 17 years old, I do not think I need to have to face the embarrassment of peeing in my pants, but if this girl did not pull over soon- I would. So finally AFTER SCREAMING in EXCRUCIATING pain... She pulled over. I don't know where we were..some quiet nice neighborhood. I ran to the nearest bush- yes in front of some PERFECT americans white picket fence and PISSED ALL OVER IT. And guess what? IT FELT FUCKING AMAZING! I could actually feel my bladders contents being drained out of me and my bladder going back to its NORMAL size. THis my friends is when peeing can be better than an orgasm.

44 Mixed Tape 3/5/2003 What's left to say? Nothing. You've heard all the words clumbsly told. You know how I love you, you know how I feel, you know how I can't and DON't want to imagine you not in my life. This is how we used to lay it down back in the day. You'd have a shitty day, or even a shitty week, but your buddies would always have your back. And what could be better than receiving a mixed tape with songs that just summed what you were feeling up? or maybe just ones that made you feel so much better. It was the thought put in it, the time spent you knew ment they cared. Yeah burned Cd's are cool, but you don't put as much time in those- It was all about the mixed tapes. Baby I'm making yours.

43 To You 3/3/2003 A letter.. I started to write you a letter today, but whats the use when everything comes out jumbled anyway? NO thought is complete and I don't know how to say the things I want to convey. It's true what you said though- "you can't take out all your anger on innocent annoyning people who have nothing to do with the real reason you are upset." you'res always right like that. My mind didn't click though, it didn't comprehend until you said " latley you've been..ugh.. hostile." So I'm sitting in my room thinking, "shit, how'd I let this one slip by?" It's not like me to say the words I said that night. I can't even think back to a time when I would ever feel the need to say those cruel things. BUt I did, and lately I feel like I would do it again. Saying that shit is like a load off the shoulders, making these days just a little bit easier when everything seems so hard (like andy when he saw mira..ha..inside joke). Sara said saturday night "Chad you know you are like the nicest guy I know, but these past weeks you've been kind of...how should i say this... difficult." And it's not like me to tense up, but I got defensive and was blinded by the fact I was holding it all in. I got this tunnel vision or something, and I can't get through it. I don't know how to explain to you that right now I'm not the person you fell in love with. And I'm scared that might freak you out, or that you might not be ok with that. NOt that cool confident dude I used to be. BUt it's hard when it feels like nothings so constant anymore. Man it's so messed up what I am becoming- hating the way I carry about nowadays. Just go back a few monthes ago- hell go back to my "san fran writing" - what happened to that guy? What the hell is happening to me? And it's you who pointed it out, and it's just me now realizing that damn, I need some help. I need to release this anger or whatever it is that is building up inside of me. So I write, what good does that do? I'd rather put my fist into something and let the energy go. YOu're right though, I can't blow up on everyone (excluding you- hopefully that never happens). You know what though? I'll do it- see the person, I have to I think. Wish you were here.

40 caaaa clunk 2/27/2003 "why does my heart make a fool of me?" I shouldn't think about, but I think about it too much. And this is where I take the fall. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can barley breath at times. If you only knew what this last week has done to me, how it has dragged out so long it feels like my eternity. And we haven't talked in days, and I haven't heard "I love you" so recently. And your confused at least once a week, and I"m so preoccupied I can't even see what you're feeling. And you deserve someone who could be there for you whenever you need them, and you deserve someone to reassure you they love you all the time. And what am I? So lost in this current situation with my family, it's hard for me to even concentrate in school- let alone give you everything you need from me. And I feel like shit thinking how bad I have screwed things up between us. So sad you had to enter into this life when everything seems to be going so completely wrong. And I don't want to take you down with that, I just want you to get out while you still can and are able to leave without me messing you up too much. I can feel myself draining you, I don't want that. Ugh this isn't how I wanted anything to be. My stomach is in knots and I don't even know how to write what I'm feeling without sounding like a complete idiot. I realize that things aren't the same now, and i know I messed it all up, but god damn I still love you. So i'm confused, is that it? are we over? i'm still so confused, i just don't understand anything anymore. I"m sorry though, sorry I wasn't what you expected. I'm gonna take care of all this shit going on in my life, i'm gonna figure this out. I don't know how long this is gonna take, i don't even know where to begin. But you know i'll figure this out. love you alia. don't know how you feel, wish i did.

39 Just me- a little RANT a lil' RAVE 2/26/2003 Sometimes ut gets to the point where every little thing boils my blood and makes me want to punch my fist through the wall. I hate bad breath screaming in my face- takes me back to "You don't really know what you want." And in this time and place you would be 100% correct- I have no idea what i want or what i want to do. Back in grade school I had this crazy notion I wanted to be a fire fighter, crazy I know. But rewind a few years before to these big dreams of being a rockstar. And it seems as you get older everything just seems so impossible or just straight up a "reatarded idea." So I get older and see a job in a cubicle 5 days a week could very well be my future. Isn't this what this private college prep school is all about? Instead of working at Jiffy Lube, My respectable parents will pay all this money so they don't have a loser kid. "cause when little Timmy and all these family friends are heading off to Harvard and becoming doctors- you don't want the kid working downtown to be yours. You never hear about Rick who dropped out of High School, and you never talk about Rachel who dropped out of junior college 'cause she became pregnant at 18 by some drugged out convict. It's this high society I'm living in, if you only knew. It's almost shameful for my mom to be sick. It's shameful for me to want to be anything less than the standard they hold over my head. Nicole once told me "Hey this is how we were raised and what we have to be around the rest of our lives. Might as well get used to it 'cause we'll probably turn out the same way." And if that's the truth, I don't want to believe it. You work so hard to break this rich white boy stereo type- but their always trying to hold you back. I just want to pave my own path w/o any help or any special advantages. There are kids out there who work ten times as hard as me, and I'd rather their hard work pay off then have me get something handed to me 'cause of my family or where/how I was raised. To me this world works in messed up ways. To most people you can't understand what i'm saying or what i'm complaining about, but if you only knew. A constant rope around your neck of how your supposed to and how your supposed to act, it's all bullshit. What I'm getting at- If Mr.Larson wants to sit there and make these disaproving faces at where I want to go to colleg, or wants to brag about his kids going through law school ( even though we all know they didn't want to) and try to act sympathetic towards my mom but only thinking it's so disgusting to be sick, and is only interested in my dad's latest client, THEN FUCK THAT. EAT SHIT. I'm not becoming that OR a product of that.

38 one line 2/26/2003 I'd kiss you if I could.

36 That girl we all knew 2/25/2003 I'm getting rid of that profile thing I had- so i'm gonna put some of the stuff I had on there here... The master mind behind breaking hearts. Throwing quarters back behind the chevron station, you're in the car leaving your blonde hairs everywhere. Cut up magazines and collages strewn against your floor, slowly taking over pictures that were once me on your wall. Seventeen and Rolling Stone just another escape from our reality laying on your bed. Our last days didn't seem so bad while we layed in your parents bed and counted the minutes remaining until i had to sneak out your back door. PInned flowers on the wall, scatterd pictures in the locker, notes stuffed and torn in a box under my bed. Who is trying to lie here? I never forgot any of it. Coffee shop after school before the start of summer, walking down Lake shore trying to figure out what was in your mind. Your gaddamn coffee breath screaming in my face. It lingers, it all lingers. 3 o' clock and your standing by your locker, and there is the truth- pictures of ben affleck and matty D. replacing my claimed territory. And its the long drive home that gets me, so long when you're alone and little blonde hairs won't wash out of upholstry. YOu won't wash out, can't wash it away.

35 POTENTIAL 2/25/2003 I'm getting rid of that profile thing I had- so i'm gonna put some of the stuff I had on there here... You're personality is far more addicting than anything I've ever tried before. And this taste I can't get it out of my mouth is leaving me thirsting for more. Don't turn it off tonight, because just yesterday I was left gripping on to the hope that maybe you'd stay longer. And what's it to anybody if I never tell anyone how I feel? They figure it out, their always figuring me out. So here I go deep into these depths of my mind, do you want to find out, could you want to find out whats down and up inside my brain? Jimmy Neutron, the name just repeating itself in my head, I'm a space cadet while my friends always smoking them red red cigaretts. They're not me, always someone I was never ment to be. You're so smart, probably always setting the curve. I was born with a more than mundane vocabulary, always trying so hard to find words to convey what I feel. So I'm the one always striving to reach these standards you set so way above my head. I'm not good enough, but some say "If you just tried, you got some potential." Roy Rodgers, You were always the Shirley Temple type. I never liked the cherry, why sugar coat something at all? But it don't matter 'cause some say I got some potential up inside my brain.