dammit, i really am a heartless bitch.. even peter said it. fuck, i'm a horrible person. i use my boyfriend for his body. for his manly comfort, for his hugs. i'm not really interested in him, like his personality, not interested, don't really care. fuckin honestly, he's too nice for me. i need a guy who is gona be a dick every now and then. you can't smother me with compliments and affection 24 god damn 7. i don't want it. grow a pair of fucking balls and treat me like there are other things in the world you care about besides me! i don't like being the center of attention. i don't like you clinging to me round the clock. lay off because i'm just going to break your heart later. fuck. i'm a dick. seriously, i wear the god damn pants. plus, get a job you mother fucker! i want a guy who can easily pay for me when we go to the movies. not a guy who needs to do chores from his mom to get money. get a job! as much as i don't like being paid for, I DON'T LIKE PAYING FOR YOU TOO! i'm trying save for my future here, i can't do that very well if i have to pay all the time. you're the man, you're supposed to pay!! fuck i'm annoyed. i hate this garbage dump of a situation i'm in. i fucking love kiefer and i can't have him. sure i've been there before, but this time he loves me back. we love each other and can't have each other. we both have somebody else. it's just bad timing. no, worse than that. the timing isn't off, we're off. i still don't think he really knows what he did to me. i was the happiest mother fucker around. he took away every single little thing in the entire universe that ever meant anything to me. he just took it!! and he didn't give one god damn fuck either. he's an asshole and i shouldn't want to be with him, but i just can't help it- i'm in love with him.. i am in love with kiefer shawn and some days i wish i wasn't. because the days that i love being in love with him are harder than anything i've ever been through in my life.