i'm not happy.

i'll never be happy again.

i miss you kiefer. and i need you. i am in love with you.

i'm not happy with michael. we fight and argue all the time. all the god damn time. all the time! it's never ending. he finds reasons to be upset with me. i'm unhappy with michael because i think about you all the time. i sit here and day dream about you. about being with you. about ways to get you back. about us, together and happy.

we're purple people in an orange world.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhh! someone fucking help me.

it's been ten months since he broke up with me. it's been four months since we got back together and i broke up with him. but it wouldn't matter if it had been ten years and four months, i am never going to stop loving him. i can't.

i've tried to stop it, i've tried to change it, i've tried to ignore it, i've tried to overcome it, i've tried to deny it, but it doesn't work. nothing works. my feelings for him won't go away. my life would be cake if i didn't love him. but i do. jesus christ i really do.

fucking jordan, god you idiot. you idiot. you're a moron.

go away, go away, go away. leave me alone. feelings for kiefer, thoughts about kiefer, dreams about kiefer- go away. leave me be. please. please.

please.

he's never going to love me back. he's never going to forgive me for dating michael, let alone love me again. i have fucked over my life. if i died now, things would be great.