kiefer and i started dating again shortly after i wrote that last entry.

except this time i couldn't do the distance. i was the one who broke up with him.

i broke up with kiefer quirk, girls don't do that. you don't break up with kiefer, he breaks up with you.

anyway, we had only been back together for about a month or so when i broke up with him. it was too hard, and i couldn't do it anymore because the security was no longer there. we were together for three years then BAM we weren't anymore. then we spent six fucking months apart and just assumed that if we got back together everything would be as it used to be. well it wasn't as it used to be. i was no longer secure in our relationship. i went from knowing, full well knowing that we were going to get married to all of a sudden being broken up out of nowhere. i can't get back into that being a long distance relationship, we need to be close for something with those conditions to work.

i've been dating my long time friend michael recently. i like him, we have fun together. but i think about kiefer

all

the

time.

i'm always thinking about him. he is never not on my mind. never. when i'm at school, when i'm at home, when i'm with my friends, worse when i'm with michael.. i just can't stop thinking about him. i miss him incredibly. but the really awful thing is that i miss my kiefer. my kiefer, not this new and unknown person he has become. he's not who i fell in love with anymore. and that breaks my heart. he was the one person who i knew would always love me for me, no matter what. and now he's different. now i believe that no person in their right mind will ever or could ever love me fully like he did. and like i loved him. it's just not in the cards for me anymore. maybe in your lifetime you're only allowed one great love. well i already had mine. and the sucky part is that it only lasted three years.