it's something about being caught in the rain, feezing wind and all you have is a cardigan. things like that make you think, about life and about all that stuff that just doesn't work out. and you think, yeah nothing could get any worse right? then you come back to reality and realise that you come home to your brothers standing all over your backdrop[that you still haven't finished painting], no dinner, exhausted and a mother no where to be found. it's just things like that make you think, about why things happen and that some how things are always left too late, so you loose sleep to try and get it done on time. if i didn't need to sleep then things would be fine. if i could sleep all day then things would be fine. if i didn't feel like this then things would be fine. i come home and go to my room, i rarely come out, only to eat food really. i don't like people coming in, mainly my brothers accousing me of doing something wrong. [note: one of my brothers just came in and threw something at my head.] you realise that no one knows anything about you but you smile and nod and give them hugs like always because that is what you do. you say things are fine, and just say you are tired because that is the excuse you always give. i'm in my room, sitting on my chair, watching about a boy, thinking about how long this is getting, probably should upload my cd's bought, thinking about someone, drawing on post-its, probably should watch that dvd i got free from work, reading a text message, should really be painting but would rather sleep. it's times like these when there aren't enough hours in a day. soo much to do, too much even and i don't even want to do it. it's times like these that make you feel utterly and completely alone in the world. and i hear them laughing. this is too long. xoxo.