And once again, I dove in too quick. For once, I let my heavy heart lead. But where does my leap of faith leave me? I let todd make me feel insecure about myself. I kept pining... and waiting for him to love me as much a I loved him. I always keep it hidden; only stopping amongst a select few to brandish it like a gun. Am I too needy? Am I too standoffish? I dont understand why I'M so hard to love?

I act like I dont care and hide behind my laughter, but I hurt. I'm surrounded by people constantly and I recognize that they love being around me and I love being around MOST of them. I know i need to be by myself more but its so hard. Its not like I love him, blehhhh im not even close to that. I need to have a legitiment relationship. The love from friends is completly different from the love of lovers.