What seems to be the hardest thing for me to realize these past few years or i guess every year since ive been 18.. is that im not 18 anymore. It was once cute or even endearing to make the mistakes that i seem to be continually making. Its not anymore.

Its not funny to have the drunkest night of your life every other night or be stoned out of your mind on your off days. Or brag that you made it to class that day even though you were super hungover.

I'm 23 years old now. I'm half of what I used to call an old bitch. As I look past all these posts i've made over the years, i've realized ive made the same ill conceived proclamations of growth and strength when in reality ive continually made the same mistakes over and over. I've chosen the wrong guy, chosen toxic friends, picked up old lovers for the sake of a warm body...

i've lost mysef so many times, each time i think i find myself in the end but i never have.

And I need to be okay with that because in reality.. I never will.