why do i do what i do? even i am not sure. do i like inflicting misery upon myself? i dont think thats it. it must be something else. it must me something worth fighting for. Misery, pain, frustration, saddness all surround me. what do i do? i try my best to ignore them. most times im pretty good at ignoring it, but theres times where it just gets too strong and i crack. lets not talk about those times... those are the times i wish i could just be invisible. so i ask myself again: why do i do what i do? ive got theories. ive got hypotheses. but i cannot speak them. its bad. i cant. i keep this shit to myself because if i tell it only causes more damage... mostly to me. im not sure where im going with this. im just typing away so if you get bored just stop reading. probly not worth your time. i realized something just a while ago. i realized that what im fighting for, my underlying cause, its worth fighting for. it truely is. and that gives me a sense of hope. hope that i have, but is empty hope. its still empty, but it has been recharged. i, for now, will continue my conquest but with the realization im not just fighting for something i want, but something i truely need.