The staff at Charleston had made some suggestions for a therapist, and when she got out, Ashley began seeing Heidi Cook. This was definitely a bright spot, at least in the beginning. Heidi was an old-fashioned therapist who didn't go for all this playing games and friendship stuff. She was a no-nonsense woman looking to figure out what was wrong with Ash so the whole family could be healed. She zeroed almost immediately in on Ash's problems. She listened to Mike and me describe her history and suspected that Ashley was Bi-Polar Disorder. Through her psychiatrist, we obtained meds to treat this.
Heidi also diagnosed her with what I'd later discover was Dissociative Disorder. She claimed that Ashley had different "faces" to cope with problems from her past. Using a collection of small dolls to help identify personalities and feelings, Heidi had Ashley select three to identify herself. One was a baby, one was a teenager and another was an older woman. Heidi counseled Mike and me to work with Ashley and help her understand how she was feeling and what part these personalities played in her life. She advocated structure and rules to prevent her from sneaking out and using drugs. She was very much a tough-love therapist.
I guess Mike complained that I was reacting negatively towards Ash, because I spent one entire session alone with Heidi discussing how I felt about the whole mess. I honesty answered how Ashley's defiance and running away was like a betrayal after years of sticking up for her and trying to shield her from her father's anger. Putting myself through hell for being her advocate and arguing with Mike made for a lot of stress. Heidi was supportive and said it was natural for me to feel that way. But she seemed confused when I mentioned how Mike was getting so angry at me about my ambivalence.
Heidi also wanted Mike to attend a seminar given by a famous parenting author. He had written a book called Treating the Tough Adolescent about out-of-control kids. He advocated very tough love, including locking kids in bathrooms and taking away all belongings and privileges. He incorporates keeping calm during confrontations and not giving the teenager the power. This was easier said than done because Ashley knew how to push people's buttons.
One thing about Mike that has worsened over the years is the way he hates being around family. His step-dad is like this, but I don’t think it’s as bad as for Mike because Cal at least allows company over and will mingle and act like he enjoys being with family and friends. Mike doesn’t. He will use any excuse to keep from going to his parents, and I could tell he was angling to excuse himself from the Independence Day festivities. An ongoing feud with his sister, Mary, is a case in point. Fourth of July in 1999 was another.
It had been a typical 4th. Southern California weather isn't always as idyllic as people think, and early July can be cool and cloudy in our area. We stayed home that morning, getting ready for the picnic and fireworks at Luanne and Cal's. Ashley was in a bad mood, possibly caused by having to see Jason for the first time since her runaway. Jason and Ashley were not on speaking terms because her continued behavior drove him crazy, and he really hadn't wanted to move out in April. Her insistence for wearing scanty clothes also upset him, and holiday or no, she was going to wear what she chose. Even spending the day at her grandparents had no effect on whether she wore a stringy top and short shorts or decent clothes. She just chose to look slutty,, and knowing that Mike's youngest sister, Lisa, and her kids would be there was another challenge.
Lisa is a self-righteous, holier-than-thou Christian. Usually we get along, but we could never be called good friends because I always assume that she's going to judge me for being "less Christian" than her. She's also very prudish. You know the type- an old woman in a different body. She has two teenaged children, Jer and Reva, and she lives and dies by those kids. Nothing is too good for them, and she's very over-protective.
Lisa, true to form, was furious over Ashley's clothes because this was the type of thing she tried to shelter her kid from. Comparing our daughter to cousin Reva was like night and day. Ash wasn't at all embarrassed and seemed to relish being the center of attention. Jason tried to avoid her. Mike finally just said he’d take her home, and then she got all pouty. Being banished wasn’t her idea of a good time. But grumbling, Ashley went with Mike.
The holiday was over- picnic and fireworks, and we went home too. I remember being tired, putting away foods and just crawling into bed. The next thing I knew, Mike was waking me up because Ashley was gone. She’d sneaked out, and there were signs that she'd had outside help. It appeared that she'd unscrewed the window bars and went out that way.
Mike found Ashley at Herbie’s. He noticed a missing window screen from Herbie's bedroom in his apartment, so he knocked on the door. Herbie’s mom said no, she hadn’t seen Ashley, but when she confronted her son, something in his behavior tipped her off. So everyone went into Herbie's room, and when Mike opened the closet door, there was Ashley, buck naked except for one of her boyfriend's t-shirts. Mike brought her home and contacted Heidi. She said to take her back to Charleston. Oh goody, another hospital stay. The staff must have just loved us.