Ashley started hitting Mike up for a teen party. She didn’t really deserve one, but I was so beaten down with the constant stress, it was easier to give in. Besides, I knew it wouldn’t make any difference what I wanted anyway. Mike would cave, and she’d get her party. So I told him it was okay as long as the group was small and the kids were pre-approved by us. Ashley asked about an overnight, and we finally compromised on letting Christina stay over. She’s basically a good kid, and she didn’t approve of Ashley’s drug use at all.

The party was about the only thing Mike and I could agree on. We argued constantly as tensions over Ashley mounted. To me, it was obvious that Oakside wasn’t working out for our daughter; there’s only so much a program can do if the participant refuses to cooperate. Marilyn and Kerri concurred with me, but Mike was fighting us tooth and nail. He had put so much of himself into "curing" her and making her want to succeed that he couldn’t realize when it’s time to call it quits. On the other hand, Ashley leaving home to go to an RTC could bring peace and healing to the rest of the family. She would be getting the help she needed in a safe environment, and we could concentrate on putting our marriage and family life back together.

I remember being summoned to a counseling session by Bart at the dayschool about Ashley. He was becoming increasingly concerned over Ash’s nonchalance towards classwork and rules. There were two particular girls that she liked to hang out with, and they were real troublemakers. Ashley had joined them in leaving class in the middle of the hour and running through the halls. She’d received detention during lunch, but instead of following the program had doodled in her notebook.

And then there was the boy she knew from San Ramon. Day treatment kids and in-house residents were not supposed to co-mingle, but Ashley found a way to talk to him or send him a note almost every day. Even Bart was close to throwing up his hands in resignation, saying he would be calling the school district to suggest transfer to an out-of-state program.

As we walked away from the counselor’s office, Mike began calling everyone on the treatment team and polling them over what he should do. Marilyn, Kerri, Jack and her psychiatrist all weighed in with answers. I could hear a little, and every single person said that as parents, we had done all we could, and it was time to let the professionals take over. But in Mike I saw the desperation to keep her home. It was as if he was hunting for someone who would disagree with the status quo and agree with him that she deserved another chance. He just refused to accept defeat. But I was- I was more than willing to say enough is enough. Hadn't the family suffered enough?

On the 15th Ashley had her party, attended by about 16 teenagers. I didn’t know most of them, but Mike "insisted" that they had been personally passed by him and were all nice kids. Some were from our church youth group, some were from Oakside, and one from softball- Christina. The party had started out small but took on a life of its own as Ashley got involved. She wanted a bakery cake and decorations, then decided that pizza wouldn’t be enough to eat. She and Mike made more than one store run buying fresh vegetables and dips and ten different kinds of chips. I was gone all day at a seminar, and when I returned the party was in full swing. Chips and dip sat on the counter, bowls of candy and nuts were everywhere, and Ashley had found a recipe for a special punch of exotic fruit juices and lemon soda. It tasted spiked to me, but what do I know? Ashley had been in her manic element with the food plans and house-cleaning, and Mike told me that was what was important. I figure this shindig cost us around $150. With Mike barely back to full-time work, it was something we couldn't afford. Ouch!

****TTFN,

Julie