I was also excited to have worked out Mike’s purpose, and I told Marilyn all about it. She practically screamed with joy into the phone, congratulating me and saying she had long known that Mike was pulling everyone’s strings. This was the reason she had exhorted me to close the gap between Ashley and myself. Marilyn claimed that even as far back as the first time Mike had presented himself and talked to her about becoming our daughter’s mentor, she felt there was something decidedly fishy in the way he talked about the family. As time went by, she became alarmed over the power Mike exercised over Ashley and me and the difference in his version of events vs. what was evidently the truth. She could tell I was a downtrodden, emotionally spent wife who was purposely kept out of equilibrium. Mike meant for me to take the blame in my failed relationship with Ashley; in fact, Mike had every reason in the world to keep us apart.
Marilyn claimed that this was just the beginning. Ashley had some very important things to tell me, and she needed my love and support as never before. I had to stay close, opening myself up to listen to her and making time for her. Mike, once he found out that I’d broken through his plot, would stop at nothing to sow seeds of doubt in our minds. No matter what, I needed to be in Ashley’s corner.
I asked Marilyn, if she knew what was going on, why she didn’t tell me earlier. She answered that I had to discover it for myself. If she’d told me, I never would’ve believed her. What wife honestly would believe her husband did not have her best interests at heart? She made me realize that Mike’s position in our family had become one of menace, not of fatherly or husbandly concern. As it was, my revelations were nearly unfathomable.
Mike paced like a caged tiger on Tuesday morning as he waited for Marilyn to bring Ashley home. He would go out to our driveway and peer down the road, coming back into the house to comment on the lateness and check his watch. I was seeing Mike with new eyes, and wondering what his nervousness signified. It seemed strange to me, especially if you considered the fact that Ashley was staying with Marilyn whom he supposedly trusted.
But in the nick of time, they were here, and Ashley practically jumped out of Marilyn’s car and right into the school van with barely a wave of her dad. Marilyn gave me a quick hug and told Mike she couldn’t stay to talk. As she would relate to me later, she planned Ashley’s return to coincide with departure to school so Mike wouldn’t have an opportunity to cross-examine either of them.
I spent the morning pondering what I’d learned. I was still having problems comprehending how Mike had managed to keep me in the dark for so long, but the more I looked at various events over the summer, the more what I’d discovered made sense. I phoned Kerri and told her of my epiphany, and she revealed that our therapy the day before had been a big eye-opener for her too. Mike, she felt sure, was very manipulative and had even managed to fool her. I told her about Ashley spending the previous night with Marilyn, and how the other woman had noticed Mike’s game-playing before me. Kerri, too, urged me to set aside my differences with Ashley and work out a relationship with her.
I told Kerri about the letter I found- the one in which he claimed nobody loved him except Ashley. There was actually a lot more to it than that. He claimed the "apathy" I felt towards him was a major cause of his depression. He went on to say how jealous I was about anything or anyone he loved, even citing an instance in which I’d had one of our dogs (who was elderly and suffering from poor health) put to sleep to get rid of it. The lack of intimacy between Mike and me had caused him to have weird fantasies that he knew were wrong, but he was helpless to stop them. And if he was going to have to live without sex, then I was going to have to learn to live without nurturing. It was a hateful and disturbing letter. Kerri said she wanted to read the copy I’d made for herself, but for now I was not to let Mike know I had it.
Kerri said that the children and I were in danger. Mike was close to flipping out, and it wouldn’t take much for him to decide that life wasn’t worth living. If he was as angry at me as he sounded, then he would blame me for everything that was bad in his life, and I would become an enemy to be vanquished. And in many cases, the mentally ill parent wants to relieve the suffering of the children and murders them before taking his or her own life. That was what Kerri envisioned if something pushed Mike over the edge.
She urged me to take the kids and go into a shelter immediately. I didn’t want to. Despite her warning, I felt that Mike wasn’t beyond reason, and I didn’t feel physically threatened. But Kerri made me promise that if there came a time where I sensed danger, I wouldn’t hesitate to gather up the children and just go. I agreed.
****TTFN,
Julie