Ashley and I both slept until 8:00 the next morning, but we came awake in a hurry. Except for the children watching tv in the family room, it was strangely quiet. I’d almost forgotten about the night before until I heard Ashley shouting urgently about her father. Mike, as was his norm, had already left for work, but the girl was in a panic.

"Where’s Dad?” She jumped out of bed.

"Probably at work." I was puzzled by her anxiety.

“No, no he’s not”. She began to cry, and I looked at her curiously. While it’s true that she, more than anyone else in the family, knew Mike and her closeness to him made her more aware of his moods, I didn’t believe she could also read his mind.

Ashley remembered being awakened by her father very early in the morning when he’d come into the bedroom. He said he was going to work, but he also told her goodbye, and the way he had said it made her think the goodbye was final. She was convinced he was planning to kill himself, and she ordered me to find the key to Mike’s office.

I did as I was told, hoping that Ashley was just over-reacting and giving into a bit of drama. But I caught on to her fear and sense of import when I trudged down to the office. Every single hiding place Ashley described as being where Mike had hidden his knives was empty. I searched the entire room without locating them and reported back that the weapons were missing. Ashley came unglued and told me we had to find Mike immediately.

I phoned my husband on his cellphone, but he had turned it off, and the voice-mail picked up after one ring. Next I tried Cal and Luanne, but his mother didn’t know Mike’s whereabouts. Cal, his step-father, hadn’t gone into work that morning. Ashley and I both tried to think, and triumphantly I recalled Mike mentioning that he planned on replacing lights at the church. Maybe somebody there knew where he was.

I called Kerri Martin, figuring if anyone could help us, she could. But her answering machine clicked on, usually meaning she was either in session with a client or not at church at all. I tried other church staff, and nobody was answering their phones. This caused Ashley to panic all the more. There was no sense in driving around, I told her. Mike could be anywhere, and my only alternative was to keep phoning the church. It didn't help that Ashley was yelling in the background how we had to "do something". I was trying to do something, but it wasn’t enough to suit her.

Shortly before noon I finally reached Kerri. She had been in a staff meeting all morning, as had everyone at church except for a secretary. No, Kerri hadn’t seen Mike at the church. I began quickly sketching in the details of the past 24 hours: Ashley’s runaway and how she felt Mike might be suicidal, when the kids came running into the house all talking at once. Ashley had my car keys; she was in the van and pulling out of the driveway. I dropped the receiver to rush outside- all she left was a trail of dust as the van traveled up the dirt road. The children said she was going to church to find their father.

In a panic myself, I got back on the phone and explained what Ashley had done. Kerri told me to hang up immediately and call the sheriff, both for my depressed husband and to be on the lookout for Ashley. Just as I was about to phone, Mike called, answering the message I’d left for him. He said that yes, he was at church, but down in a meeting room on the other side from the offices, and nobody knew he was there except Jean. I asked how he was feeling, and he responded that he was depressed. I asked about the knives, and he became irritated that I even knew about them. He denied having any plans at use them. I then informed him that Ashley was on her way to church, convinced he was going to kill himself.

Mike tried to stay calm. He told me he was fine, and he did his best to persuade me that I had nothing to fear. Mike explained that he was going to get in his car and start heading towards home, keeping an eye out for Ashley, hoping her driving skills would keep her and others around her safe.

But the phone conversation left me feeling unsettled. I doubted he was telling the truth; still, I didn’t want to call the sheriff if he was. But the more I thought about it, the more worried I became. What if he did have suicide plans? His tone of voice had been so despondent, and knowing he had potential weapons he could use made me positive he needed some kind of intervention. So with misgivings, I did as Kerri directed and called the sheriff. The deputy took the information about Ashley, Mike and the vehicles; then he put me on hold. When he came back on the phone he told me a police officer was on his way to the church to check out the situation. I sat back to wait, feeling as if this whole thing had taken on a life of its own.

As I would find out later, Kerri had stepped into immediate action. She phoned the police and rallied our pastors, Hank and Gerrald, to help with the crisis. They converged on Mike at the exact same moment that Ashley had pulled, astonishingly safe and sound, into the parking lot with my van. They were all talking to Mike when the police officer responded and talked to the assembled group. He spoke with Mike, both alone and with Ashley, and to my chagrin, let him leave. I guess on second thought I shouldn’t be surprised. Mike can talk his way out of almost anything.

****TTFN,

Julie