I dont understand why Im always so sad. Everything is just starting to get so overwelming. Things were so much easier... Why am I still living in the past? I wish that it was ok. Obviously its not. I try so hard for everything. I try to do this but Im still doing that wrong. Is it that hard to be happy for me!? It all just hurts so bad. Im fat,so you put me on a diet. Im stupid so laugh at me and make fun of me, you are just too cool. I have no friends, obviously you have more. Youre older and more intimidating which means you can just slap me around like that, and heak why not let your friends do it too. Why do I live with this? Why do I just let that happen? Because I dont know waht to say. If I say something then what good would it do? No one listens anyway. I just want to cry. I want to find a little hole some where, curl up, and cry. Cry everything off. Any feelings, and emotions. I wanna cry cuz I skinned my knee. I dont wanna cry over him or a fight. I wanna cry like I shouldnt be crying. That would be so much less painfull. Sometimes I think of that mirical, I dream of it, I am almost positive it might just happen. I wont let it go but I will always know that miricle isnt there. There never was a miricle. Did I know I was living the miricle before? Too bad I didnt pay attention to it. Too bad! Everything is just too bad for me now, isnt it? Nothing is too good. Its all just too bad! Too bad, you dont get the credit. Too bad, now you cant swim. Too bad, guess shes not your friend anymore. Too bad, Im just gunna have to press on. Too bad I cant anymore. Too bad these tears are killing me. But its not your fault. It was never anyone elses fault. Only mine. Just blame it on Lauren cuz she could never care less. I guess I couldnt. Whats the use now, eh? But are my feelings not there? If I had to yell in your ear and tell you how truely miserable I was, I know you wouldnt do anything. I jsut dont have emotions. Only your emotions matter now because I never had any in the first place. Im sick of it... Im gunna cry it off. Hopefully I can go to training then come home, sleep half the day, then go to school renewed and maybe feeling a little better.