So many things are going through my head. I dont know what to think anymore. I want to be some one. All my life I have never known what I really wanted. Now I know, for now, that I jsut want to be known as some one special. I want to stand out as some one who everyone likes. That's been hard lately... But I'm trying my best... But why should I have to try when I know where I dont have to. I grew up in Troy. I left my life behind me to start a new one, a better one, one that was going to be good for me. Where does it leave me? Past rock bottom, which I hit pretty hard. Past a load of crap that I went through quite smoothly. It has me sunk so low, theres no getting out. When I left, I left a huge part of me. I left half my heart to my friends and my old house. The thought of some one else living in the house where I have every last one of my wonderful memories is so petrifying. Im not asking for sypathy, I dont need that. Im asking for happiness. Im asking for some one who can let me be me. But I think about that and its not just my school... Its the whole city its self. What am I doing here? I am not like them. They arent like me, and no matter what they will never understand me. Im alone here. Theres nothing thats going to change that. I understand that all my mom has ever wanted was to live in birmingham, but its not right for us. Its just a sense I have. I walk around and its not the same. I dont go outside anymore. I brake things, I fight, Im rude, mean, Im not the same Lauren Matthews. Its innerhappiness Im searching for and here in birmingham, I just dont have it. I want some one to understand me. I want for there to be some one on my side who's willing to fight for my happiness. But for now all I have is me... myself... and I. I really truely left something back In Troy that I will never have living in Birmingham... That something is who I want to be. Its half of my heart that wants to do something with my life. How do I live with only half a heart? -lhm