new : catamaran i hate you anyway. no one ever said i was a great person but you. just another one of your contradictions.

i think yet again, it's time for something new.

how long should take a person to get over someone if they went for nine months? a month, two? and what if they kiss ocassionally, but it's obvious they won't go back out. maybe three? what if it's your first love? i'm not sure, but this seems a bit overexagerated. how could you still be healing after almost a year? ------------EDIT you must have a bad conception of what love is if you think love and hate are that close together.

bad ideas and a misjudgement of character i thought i knew you better weekend plans, bad friendships, and a rotten relationship. things aren't going as best as they could, it's nice to know people lie about you, and those good things that go with it. for once i'd like to have a real friend. love.

i'm getting alittle tired of the      "if i can't have him...               no one can" attitude you have.

if I was older, and i had my own house or apartment, or if i had a roommate, i would of wound up on the roof sometime last night, and I would of been yelling at him. I was really happy last night, I had a great time, but it made me realize how much I missed the people I never get to see anymore. I just have this feeling, if I had my own house, I would of been on the roof and yelling at God, and I would of had more to drink. Because I would of had more to drink than 1/5 of a bottle.

the hell yeahs. "i haven't seen you since i pushed you down the stairs." today was okay, Caroline didn't talk to me because she was under the impression i like her. she gets that impression a lot. oh well, anyway I explained that to her and we talked a little bit. don't knock the tiles out of the ceiling at school, if you can jump that high, don't do it, the tiles cut you when they fall, and you get a talk from your gym teacher.

but if i could, i would take it all right back life is to hard to understand, and i'm starting to understand that life doesn't want to be friends with anyone, it only wants to work on what it does, and whatever it decides will happen. life may not always be fair, but life is persistant, and most likely understands the value of all things. (norsk is a strange language)

i think i am no older than I was two years ago, and I have only found better ways to express myself and I have an increased vocabulary which allows me to express myself better than I could maybe three years ago. However, I feel the same, and I majoritively think the same as well. I'm not sure "majoritively" is a word, but I've been using it a lot lately. Alex is a surprisingly good writer. love

There are really only 364 days in a year, the first day of every year isn't really a day at all, it's just a little celebration party of the year, so I don't think it should count. Because it doesn't feel any different, today feels like a new year. It's just weird, and it's awkward, and I think it would be a lot easier if we just kept the same year forever, but changed the month names instead, if the months changed, like after December the next month would just be 13, and so forth, we wouldn't notice, and we wouldn't have this awkward transition week, it's like a bad break up. I think people should stop being so over dramatic about everything. love

I go out and I see a sudden flash of light, wondering what it was, I move closer. Now engulfed by this blinding light, I make my way toward the source. I'm curious to know; curiocity has gotten the best of me. I'm running now and I smack into something and I fall hard. Scared I get up, trying to get away, but I'm hurt. Hobbling away I hear the roar coming closer, and I wake up. I returned the acustic guitar I bought on Wednesday, I decided a bassist has no use for a guitar at all, and took it back, after a lot of unneeded drama and my father took over, and everything worked out, he's a forceful guy when he needs to be. Back to one hundred-seventy-eight dollars. It wasn't such an expensive guitar, and that's the difference after I bought a movie and some records. (Yes, I buy real records.) love

Welcome to what we call after Christmas vacation. My cd is skipping like a bad record, and I'm fighting off the parental unit. Breakfast was a bit shakey because Mom doesn't really like Le Peep, and that is where we went today, and she wanted to go to Perkins, but I was against it, and my dad and I really like Le Peep. Laura wasn't in a good mood, and I feel like writing an entry as if I was eight. I am. I'm listening to Kansas, and if you are reading this, you are probably bored, because I never write like this. I just sorta feel like talking about I'm doing. i might see the producers later sorry this entry sucks =X

Today is Christmas, so why aren't I playing with my new toys? I don't really like how kids who are like, 11 through 15 are all "i'm emo" because that was like, during the ninties, and it doesn't exist anymore. What people think is emo, just media stereotyping now, and it's sad. But how am I supposed to judge? I wasn't there either, but I know they aren't.

Sorry perverts, this entry has nothing to do with sex. I got a box today, that was addressed from Pennsylvania. I was all excited and ready for a big surprise, with smiles and warmth, but I wasn't. I was hurt, and I felt cold. Everything in the box, from the letter to the perfectly wrapped presents were all addressed to a girl I genuinely dislike. It was something I was not really expecting. I was hurt, obviously who wouldn't? It was just alittle crushing to expect a wonderful box of presents, and a letter that was meant to make me smile from my wonderful fiance, I don't know. I now have to embark on an adventure that involved a lot of contact with a girl I don't much like, and that hates the fact we have a mutual friend, even if I knew the friend first. Oh how life works out.

I found it pretty funny that Alex was talking about becoming independent, but she wouldn't of been able to without being dependent on someone else, I laughed, outloud. It was actually funny, I don't know, I'm a cruel person. At school it seems like kids are just looking for more drama to make up for the two weeks or so that we are out. It's really weird because everyone is talking, and they are fighting like crazy, over pety things, it's sort of depressing. Speaking of the upcoming holiday, I'm not sure I'm really excited about traveling the midwest and having a lot of car time. I'm not fond of long rides in cars, I normally am, but these past few months, I just can't stand being in cars, as soon as I can figure out why, I know I won't anymore. So that will work out pretty well, if I can find out why. It might just be a phase. The simple excuse. I we could just watch a movie tomorrow, in each class, or just watch a movie all day, so we can just relax and talk, that would be better.

Whenever I smoke and it's cold outside, I always wonder how much of my breath is carbon monoxide because it's all just white smoke coming out, and I wonder when the cigarette breath stops, and just plain exhaling starts. I worry about my smoking habit, because it's getting worse, and I know it's going to kill me. It's a horrible habit, and like I told Cathy, no one likes a smelly friend. The snow is completely ruined, it's all slush or ice, because of the rain we have been getting instead of snow. It's upsetting because I was looking forward to Turnip, and just playing out in the snow, but now I missed my chance waiting for more, because it was too warm outside to snow. What a shame. Hopefully we will get more soon, possibly like ten inches, and I can make myself one giant of a snow friend. A whole snow family, with a snow dog. Tomorrow = Thomas. Kristin is with Alex, so much for me and her hanging out today. Oh well. love

I have no idea what it means, but it means I am going to be writing a lot less than I normally do, and that is pretty slim right now as it is, so don't expect perfectly long emotional entries every few days, there might be one entry worth reading a month, if that. As for commenting, I will keep up with that pretty well, I'm still reading my small group of friends writing, I'm in love with how these people write, and I care about them enough to feel heavy hearted without them. I wish I could just save everyone, and make everyone care. It isn't that I don't care about you Alex, it's just that you are fake, and therefor I see no effort as to be the boy I truly am, so I put on the fake act around you too, I'm not done caring, I'm just tired. I get worn out of people faster than anything. love.

sorry kids, i bought a real journal on paper.

Saturday was fun. I'm glad I went, I'm glad I got to see Kristin, and John. I see Thomas all the time, but it was still nice seeing him. I didn't like being stuck in the car for like an hour and a half, Kristin wouldn't let me object! So I got stuck in a car, with this kinky girl. Haha, that actually sounds pretty fun. But yeah, I didn't like being stuck in a stuffy car. Things are picking up at school, except everyone calls me a whore, but I'm okay with that, they are just messing around.

.../Today isn't going to be eventful, there is snow on the ground, the streets are paved with slush and ice. It is slippery, and people are falling down like dominoes after each other. Pile ups on the highways, and bodies heating themselves in starbucks with designer coffee, price effective. .../I'm just waiting to get out. I don't want to be stuck inside all day, to quote cathy, "the one day I wanted to go to school." .../I'm starting to debate which I like more, the overswealtering heat of the summer, or the snow and ice of winter. I like the cold of winter, but I like the easy walking of summer. Fall is my best attitude, and I'm waiting for another year.