so i finally got to see my alicia it had been a week that is very depressing...so after tonight i am allowed to have people over again and i get my phone back tonight at like 11 im siked tizzz ew my daddy is picking me up right now after school i need a ciggerrette and we are taking alicia to buena yay and i need a ciggerrette someone should give me one right now and fast...so that whole incident with brittany was gay and now she is trying to be my friend again only because she has no one seriously no one i hate skitzo people they are the worst ever i hate my mom to she is also skitzo now watch im going to b e diagnosed with it just with my luck kewl man kewl so i brittany totally fucked things up between me and corey and lied about all that stuff cause she was jealous cause johnny is using her and she was jealous that him and i were happy and liked each other all kinds ew EW fucking EW i hate skitzo jealous passive physco hypocritical people more than life and thats alot

So love me gently with a chainsaw (chainsaw) And take the glass against your wrists. You know I am your worst nightmare, Oh how you love my bloody kiss. But it's time to die. You're worth more dead. Tell me your fantasies, I'll make you believe, That I really care. I'll look into your eyes, I'll tell you all my lies. As I take you slow. So love me gently with a chainsaw (chainsaw) I'll leave you like your father did. I'll bite your lip so fucking, so hard. And watch the innocence just drip Down your chest, And into my mouth. Tell me your fantasies, I'll make you believe, That I really care. I'll look into your eyes, I'll tell you all my lies. As I take you slow. So take your tears and go away. So take your tears and go away. A bitter ending from a slow decay. So take your tears and go away. And I'll sit here with a smile and a match. The lies, she cried, the heartache [x3] And the lies, she cried, the heartache.

There's a tear in my heart where the blood ran out. There's a tear in my heart where the love ran out. I thought we worked, pushed toward the same ends, I'll never be so quick to trust again. Disenchanted, disgusted, I regret that I trusted. I put my faith. My faith in you, you poisoned me through and through. I though we both shared the same injuries. Now I've found it's you who injures me. My heart is cracked from being left out in the cold. I know you'll pay for what you've taken - tenfold. Disenchanted, disgusted, I regret that I trusted. I put my faith. My faith in them, they twisted the knife further in. MY BROTHER ME WEIRD... ANOTHER RANDOM OF ME ME AGAIN AND ANOTHER TAYLOR AND I GEEZ i remeber that WEIRD RANDOM PICTURES THAT I JUST FOUND

It Was Made Just For You Not From A Store Not In A Package Just Straight Across My Wrist Just For You Because I Cant Explain It You Broke Me And I Cant Tell You Do I Really Want To Go On Like This??? Again It Is Just For You The Warmth Drips From My Body Just Know Its Only Just For You

yay its thursday which OBVIOUSLY means tomorrow is friday wooot wooot im getting money today which also means lots and lots of drugs but you know what??? i really dont like weed anymore so im over that and ive moved on to other nice things...which satisfys me more....anywho...lately i have been having that feeling again where im totally disconnnected from everything and no one feels the same way and blah blah all that stupid emo shit....fuck me jesus why do i have to be so emo? it actually doesnt bother me i am who i am right??? and i am all that i have so i might as well have to get used to it being like this

Thomas Told Me He Loved Me

shit this morning i drank an energy drink a soma zoloft and benedryl help me jesus i feel like im going to die and i really need a ciggerette badly thats why im going to the mall after school with alicia so we can meet up with carolyn and she has cigs we only have one left it sucks yup yup... so lately i havent been dreaming and its bumming me out because i go to sleep to dream and it makes me not want to sleep cause whats the poinr ya know? or is that just stupid? i dont know whatevers ok im leaving bye My Hopes Are So High That Your Kiss Might Kill Me So Wont You Kill Me So I Die Happy My Heart Is Yours To Fill Or Burst To Break Or Bury Or Wear As Jewlery Which Ever Prefer

how random im sitting next to him we havent talked in forever its sad i dont know what to do its weird how people change so much why does this happen a question i frequently ask myself but it wont ever be answered wow that sucks why is life so fucking retarded sometimes???

i dont know why i picked slap happy its a cool word ya thats right and if you dont like that i like the all american rejects that sucks cause i do so im at school its like 12 and schools almost over i love this school im so siked that i go here well i have nothing to say i have to go bye

That Is A Very Kewl Word... Ew My Dad Woke Ben Kelamie Haley Robby And I Up At Fucking 5:30 In The Morning To Go Wake Boarding...WTF So I Was On A Lake All Day Tired And Hungry Bah It Actually Wasnt That Bad Especially When I Got To See Them Fall When They Wake Boarded...Bah...So Im Going To Arizona Soon With Kelamie...Yay We Wont Ever Be Apart!!!! Uh... I Still Dont Know... Theres Kata My Baby! I Dont Know Just Me

so im pretty bored right now listening to the postal service yup i love it there gooooood i miss kelamie sooo much it needs to be thursday so that way i can at least know she is within driving distance as me and in the same fucking town bah but it needs to be friday more...ya thats right im not going to tell why maybe later but its very kewl yup hmmm....so kata and gold wolf are figting right now its really funny i love my kitties bah so ben needs to hurry and get his jew bagel ass over here i miss him so much and...i need to take some IB Profine and take a nappy and i cant spell for jack shit but its kewl ya know hmmm...so lately i have been thinking of matt agian i dont really know why its not like i have seen him lately cause i havent and the last time i did...it wasnt very good it was akward kinda but fuck that night were we were at my moms house keeps repeating in my head i have dreamt about it a few times to i dont know what to do baaah hopefully we will accidntely run into each other at his new work fuck im such a stalker even he said so baaah ok im going now bye

I look at her in that paper dress I wonder why she won't burn She's just a paperdoll, that's all Just a paperdoll I dress her up, she knocks me down I dress her up, she knocks me down They try her on for size She fits nice, one size fits all They try her on for size She fits nice, one size fits all Now her soul is dead Now her body's raw You can numb her pain Watch the blood run down her face But don't take notice Watch the blood run down her arms Please don't take notice I know you have her soul I see it in your eyes She knows you have her soul She sees it in your eyes Now her soul is dead Now her body's raw You can numb her pain She wants you to ease her pain She wants you to eat her remains She wants you to ease her pain She wants you to eat her remains Now her soul is dead Now her body's raw Wash away her pain _______________________________ wow people who leave stupid comments are sooo fucking kewl are you so much of a fucking pussy you cant leave your diary name??? your fucking stupid if your gonna do stupid shit like that dont be a fucking pussy not to mention your lame ass opinions do not matter to me and i dont fucking want them and i didnt write those songs you shouldnt say shit you dont fucking know what you fucking idiot

The Knife Is On The Table. I Put Myself To Sleep. All I Know Is All I Know. Remember What You Sow Is What You Reap! How Could I Fucking Believe You. These Are Your Words For Me A Little Sheltered Girl Is What I'll Always Be. So Loving And Considerate. Too Scared Of What I'll Be. I Look Into The Mirror, The Whore Is All I See. Like You... Like Me... Diminished, Selfish Boy Like You... Like Me... I Never Want To Be Like Me Do You Think I'm A Whore? I'm A Whore (4x) How Could I Fucking Believe You. These Are Your Words For Me. A Little Sheltered Girl Is What I'll Always Fucking Be. So Loving And Considerate. Too Scared Of What I'll Be. I Look Into The Mirror, The Whore Is All I See. Like You... Like Me... I'll Never Cheat And Stop When You Say Like Me... Want Me... Know Me... For Eternity I'm A Whore (8x) Haha... Haha I'm A Whore

ok..people what you dont understand you dont have to hate...for example person who leaves retarded comments that i really dont give a shit about...just because you think suicide and cutting is stupid i dont want to hear it ok? its something you obviously dont understand and havent experianced so keep you close minded comments to yourself i dont care what you have to say Ass

ashlieeeee stayed the night last night and we made cupcakes but then she passed out and im "grounded" today cause my dad thinks that we smoked in the house what a fucking fatass daddy i hate youuuuuuu sometimes most of the time whyyy the hell would i smoke in the house if im allowed to outside??? are you STUPIDDDD on to different subjectssssss im bored and tired cause ashlieeeee made me wake up early ewwww its ok though my daddy brought home some REALLY HEALTY FOOD MCDONALDS shit... Kelamie, im not going to see you for 2 weeks...nigga that sucks im sad now i have one thing to ask you... would you die tonight for love??? JOINMEINDEATH Kelamie I Love You You Know If Your Bored Go To My Other Diary thepaininside

i have to many thoughts and feelings to pick just one so today my dad told me he finally got a hold of pacific and its way to late to start school duuuh and i might not even be going to summer school which im ok with because either way i can graduate really really early..like in 6 months..that seems so far away but so close kinda scary cause usually i would be all ew school i have so much but i could be done so soon..i dont know what to think about that so today i was all sad as usual and my stupid step mom through a silver envolope at me which hit me in the head and pissed me off and it said micheal harris on it. it took me a while to comprhend who it was from but i figured it out and it made my day i was so happy to hear from him god i miss him so much it bummed me out though when i used to hang out with him and his daughter cause she used to get jealous all the time but there isnt any reason for jealousy i think its the most dumbest thing in life im glad im not a jealous person but i think im going to hang out with him soon since i have no school and im always free over the weekend i tried to bleach the black out of my hair and it turned out brownish reddish type deal and my roots are sooo blonde from my naturally hair color then i let the crazy vanessa but my hair its not bad it doesnt look any different at all just the color i think im going to go back to blonde who knows though fuck i want to pierce my lip and nosey soon and a billion other thingsssssssss and tats yay oh god i just looked at my third entry title... thats all im going to say about that subject

Thats It I Just Need A Miracle

i miss him i miss him so fucking much its eating away at me

it is hot outside...ewy summer is almost here i dont know if its good or bad...good cause like no school but i still have summer school which wont be bad ya know its half day adn everything oh but guess what...ya thats right i have half day every fucking day of my life for 3 years as long as im in high school ya...i go to pacific...im so glad because i hatge ventura high school im going to write later bye

so after school i saw my counsler...ew i hate her so much and i dont want to see her anymore but now my dad makes me...EWWW so im in the library listening to HIM goooo me im in the middle of ben and erin yay! after school erin ben and i and robby are going to the pool i really want to get boba i havent had that in forever! i looove it...hmmm so i didnt get to pierce my lip thanks t my fucker dad i hate him to hopefully i can do it soon i will i dont give a fuck what my dad says....yup so today started off really really shitty but its getting better...ok im going now bye