Note: This was written on the 6th of April. You asked me out a few minutes after midnight on Sunday morning. You, the boy with the beautiful hipbones and the iceblue eyes, who I've been trying to avoid for the last year because I'm so attached to... we were sitting in his car making out in my driveway and it was late and my contacts were drying out and I couldn't see the lights but I could see the haze around them, and we broke off and I sat there with my eyes shut and my lips pressed tightly together and you said, "Jenn?" and I said, "Yeah?" and you said, "Do you want to go out with me?" And I was so taken off guard, because I was tired and you had been upset that whole day, and I was trying to think of all the signs that I must have missed that pointed to the thought of you asking me this question that day of all days [such as holding my hand during the entire 2-hour movie, such as putting your arm around me, such as everything] so I just responded with, "Okay", and then there was silence. "'Okay'?!" you asked. "God, you're adorable." So now I have a boyfriend, and it's terrifying, but even worse is that I've been gone from home THIS ENTIRE WEEK. My parents are food-Nazis, and I don't have a scale, and as a result, I rushed to my aunt's scale the second we got to her house in Wisconsin to find that I've gained 4.5 pounds since I last checked on Sunday. I wanted to cry. And that's when I faced the truth. I've been waiting for this relationship for a year and a half. Every song makes me think about you, every syllable of every word. I can't breathe when you kiss me. But I'd give up everything I have with you right now for a chance to be thin. There is something seriously wrong with me, and I don't think I could live my life any other way.