Today, Mike and I were walking in the hallway when I saw you ahead of us. You threw your arms in the air and screamed "yesss!" because there was a note on the orchestra door that said there were no lessons today, and I put my head to the floor and muttered, "I don't know him," and walked a little faster. But you started walking down the stairs just as I did, and Mike pushed me into you and said, "Go for it". You laughed, I murmured an apology and then, "This is so gay." On the way down, as my feet were hitting the steps so fast and so hard that I felt as if they'd reach the bottom before the rest of me did, you said, "I've got something to give you", and for a second, I thought it was something like a flower or a card, but it was just the CD I asked you to burn for me last night. And so my irrational hopes deflated in less than a second, but just as I began to walk a little faster so you wouldn't see the blush creeping onto my cheeks at the realization that I'm a dumb fuck, you put a small box of Godiva chocolates in my hands and said, "Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart". When I turned around, you'd left. I dealt all day with people telling me how expensive Godiva was. (It wasn't. You left the price tag on because you don't know how to give a gift - $6.) But honestly, the price didn't matter to me. I was too shocked that you'd given me anything at all, that you'd bothered to go out and buy something, and that I was left with nothing for you. And I just started thinking about what all your friends would say, or if they already know, which got me thinking about what my friends would say if we started dating, which got me thinking about dating you in general, and whether or not it's a good idea. I'm sorry to put you through this, sorry for the way that I avoided you all day, until 7th period, when you came into the Band Room while I was eating lunch to talk to me. I didn't mean to seem cold or unforgiving, I'm just trying to sort things out. Because the chocolates made me think of something else, too, and that was how ironic it was that you'd given me chocolate as a gift. Food is the basis of my fear right now, the basis of everything. Giving you the burden of me and my dysfunctional habits. I mean, come on. Right now, I'm in the middle of a two-day fast, 48 hours of not eating anything at all, and if anyone knew that, they'd flip. You'd find out sooner or later, about everything, and that's when you'd pull the I'm-worried-about-you card, and that's when I'd stop talking entirely. I can't stand that happening. But I'm not going to eat the chocolates. I can't. It's just funny that you chose to give me my worst problem as a gift. Bittersweet, in a sense, I suppose. Anyway, my fast was ruined second period when my English teacher gave six of us a handful of gobstopper jaw breaker candy hearts. Everyone was eating them, and excited, and I admit to letting an excited sound escape my lips, so it would be way suspicious if I refused to eat them. Tally for the day (so far): About 60 calories - Five jawbreaker candy hearts.