Does anyone realized that all my entries are dated August 13th?

Many things have occured since I last wrote in you. I am a vegetarian now, its going pretty well haha. I've started seeing this guy named Drew but he has a girlfriend. It horrible, I know. But its fun to be secretive. I've chopped more of my hair off and there is pink in it also I have a rat tail hahah, I can take it out. They're only clip in extenstions. I like them. I got my monroe pierced. Onto my favorite subject, boys. Actually I really dont want to go there right now.

oh diary, you are my only vice.

I've done some pretty rotten things. I've hurt people that I love. I plead for attention. I've stolen things from friends and family. I told a lie, a terrible lie to someone I once called love. I don't deserve much. I really don't deserve anything. I feel horrible about the things I've done and I know one day that I will get my karma and I will welcome it. But I can't take those things back, if I could I would. I am asking you for some happiness. I want closure. I want a friend. I want love. I am greedy for asking these things. But I don't know what else to do. Ahem.

Work consumes my life. My apprenticeship starts July 2nd. I can't wait :) I need a break though. Im going to a pool party on the 5th, hopefully since my apprenticeship starts that wednesday I wont have have to work that saturday but knowing my luck I probably will have to..hahaha. Im trying to stay cheerful

I met a guy that I just clicked with. There was none of that awkwardness of getting to know each other, it was like we just knew from the start. Things were going great until I broke my phone, then he broke his phone.. really what are the odds? He finally fixes his phone and drops the bomb that his "ex" came to him and is saying she is pregnant. Now I put ex in quoations because they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, they were basically fuck buddies. We aren't talking to each other, which is for the best because he is flipping out but its killing me not knowing. I want to know if its his and if she is keeping it. Personally, I think she should just get an aboration and save everyone's lives. I have concluded that it could be serveral things.. one she isn't really pregnant and she just wants george back or she is pregnant but its her ex's (who she still lives with might i add) and she doesn't want him to be father so she is going to george. Now if its the first one Im gonna kill the bitch and if it is the second one she just needs to suck it up and tell the truth. Then of course there is always putting it up for adoption. Now the only problem with figuring out whose baby it is.. is the waiting 9 months and performing a dna test. I really like george but I dont think I can wait that long, I mean a lot can happen in 9 months ans its notlike we were boyfriend and girlfriend we were just dating and it would be weird to wait that long for him, especially if we arent talking to each other. He told me he would let me know the more he knows and it hasnt even been a week but I am very impatient person so this is just getting to me. I hate bitches, I swear they ruin everything. Also I miss my ex boyfriend. That's the problem george was my escape from those heartbreak feelings. He made them melt away. But now that we not talking those feeling have submerge and are taking over. Im trying really hard but its not working. I dont eat or sleep. I cry every chance I get. It sucks. Everytime I think Im gonna get that break I don't. Something always ruins it. I believe things happen for a reason but this is just getting annoying.

It's hard. It gets harder everyday. I miss him and I love him but it wasn't meant to be.

I have moved on. I am so happy. I can't wait around anymore. I have a life to live. I have dreams that need fulfilling.

I was raped. About 3 weeks ago. Its a secret that I have been hiding. But now I have to face the music. I was raped. I was violated, I was taken advantage of, I was forced. I choose to fail a class then see him again. I choose to let him ruin my life then stand up to myself. No, I never told anyone. I went home and cried. I lied to everyone. I lied to myself. Now I am paying for it. I did nothing! I told no one! I pretended like it was a nightmare. I put on a show for everyone. I am broke.

So my hair is gone. Its blond-er. I love it. Life isn't so great. I think things are getting better but they just appear to be.

Im chopping my hair off. Im getting a tattoo within the month. I am going out to be a Suicide Girl Model. I want change and I am getting it. If things can't go back to the way they use to be then Im changing... big time.

He said it was nice to see my smile yesterday. But what he didn't know is that when I walked away, I cried.

To: Gregory R U Happy? Tues, Apr 1 6:57pm From: Gregory i go back and forth. Tues, Apr 1 7:00pm What does that mean!?!

Cinderella walked on broken glass Sleeping beauty let a whole lifetime pass Belle fell in love with a hideous beast Pocahantas risked her life for a feast Jasmine could have had anyone but instead chose a poor man And Ariel walked on land all for love and all for life It was all about Blood, Sweat, and Tears Love’s about facing your biggest fears

It been sometime since I have actually wrote about something and not just put song lyrics up. So my life has done a complete 360 and this week was a blast to from the past. First off I ran into a friend from high school and we decided to hang out again, man have I missed her. She is basically my twin, I don't know why we stop starting but I suppose high school does that to you. Then I got a text message from a number I didn't know and the person messed around with me for a while until it drove me crazy. It was a my ex- boyfriend, Ricky. Now Ricky and I didn't end on horrible terms.. not the greatest of terms but we evenually got over it. Ricky was my " first love" I guess you could say.. I mean I don't know what that makes Greg (my true love? second love?) Greg and I had a more serious relationship (he was my first.. everything basically) and we dated way longer. But I've always had feelings for Ricky. He clearly had feelings for me but you learn to live without them and move on which is what I did. I mean we dated in middle school and I waited around for like year and half for him, of coure he finally came back when I was with Gregory (great job on the timing, right?). Ricky and I have been hanging out lately and the feelings are still there but I'm still in love with Greg. So what should I do? I don't want to wait around for Greg to come to his senses but I don't want to rush things with Ricky because I don't think that I'm ready for that. I know that I'm not ready for the whole love thing again.. Frankly, I'm quite bitter towards it at the moment. And lastly I'm scared. I never thought I would find love after Ricky.. and I did. Now I feel like I'm not gonna find love after Greg and then theres Ricky. I don't know if it is a sign that I should get over Greg by getting my second chance with Ricky or if its a test to prove that I'm not Greg like I like to think I am. My friend made a really good point when I was saying that it was sign from the heavens. She said " If Ricky hadn't of texted you, do you think you would of thought about him?". The answer is "no". I have thought about him from time to time but when Greg and I broke up my first thought wasn't " Hey, now its my chance to be with Ricky again". Really what does it all mean? The more I'm with Ricky the more I just think about Greg.

You bleed just to know you're alive.

Why was I so easily cast aside?

So you see this world doesn't matter to me I'll give up all I have just to breathe the same air as you until the day I die I can't take my eyes off of you

I have lungs that cant breathe when they are alone. The skin I call my home holds a heart that quits and knees that buckle in. But I just wanted you to know that I will be fine. I will be fine.

Tristan and Isolde; what an epic tale of beauty and love. I have decided to take a break from 506 and have a girly night. Where I will paint my nails and watch romance movies (e.g. Moulin Rouge, Tristan and Isolde..) and also read Twilight for the umpteenth time. Brendan hasn't gotten it through his head that I don't want a boyfriend and that I'm not interested in him that way. I just don't understand boys. They get upset when girls drop hints but when we tell them straight up what we want or don't want, they don't hear it. Its like they have selected hearing or something. I told him from the beginning that I didn't want attachment but he gets jealous when I'm not by his side. It just makes it awkward to be his friend, now... Boys...